How Trauma Impacts Relationships
Like any other couple, you and your partner have your ups and downs in your relationship. But you're noticing that there's a lot of walking on eggshells, a lot of isolating, a lot of explosions. What's going on?? Find out how trauma impacts relationships.
So, this is a tough subject. Trauma is defined as those events in our lives that make us feel likeour lives or safety, or the lives or safety of those we love may becompromised. Trauma impactsrelationships. The trauma in our livescan show up in many ways in our relationships. It tends to show up on both sides of the relationship as well. It impacts the lives of those who haveexperienced trauma and impacts the lives of those that are in relationship withthose who have experienced trauma.
When we experience trauma, our nervous system is more sensitive to things that feel like a threat. There is a greater tendency to trigger that fight, flight, freeze response that is ingrained in all of us and that can really affect our relationships.
Some of the ways trauma impacts relationships can be (watch the video):
Walking on eggshells around each other, often the partner of someone who has suffered trauma will feel like they must walk on eggshells around their loved one. They are fearful of hurting them or aggravating them. They may feel like maintaining the status quo is the best option.
Isolation or pulling away from each other, often people who have experienced trauma will pull away and internalize their experience. This causes problems in relationships as isolation does not promote intimacy.
Disconnecting with each other. Trauma can create a chasm between two people. It is hard to maintain a relationship when people are disconnected from each other. Disconnecting is hard on relationships.
Aggression or anger toward each other can really hurt relationships. Often when someone has suffered a trauma, their response can include aggression or anger. They feel hurt, and nobody likes this feeling.
Shame (There is a huge correlation between trauma and shame). Shame hurts us on so many levels. The person that has suffered the trauma may feel shame or worthiness as a result of that trauma. It really impacts how we interact with others.
Fear, this can happen on both sides of the relationship. From those who have experienced the trauma and those in relationship with those who experience trauma. Fear is often dealing with the unknown. When someone has suffered trauma, fear is a normal response. There is a fear of suffering it again, there is a fear of what will change as a result of the trauma.
Confusion or misunderstanding on the side of the partner that has not experienced the trauma. The partner of someone that has suffered a trauma may not understand the impact of that trauma to the person who has suffered it. They may not understand what triggers some of these other responses listed above or feel that a certain response to something is out of line with that would be considered “normal.” This creates misunderstanding and confusion that hurts our relationships.
Trauma impacts relationships. Getting help for your trauma will help with your relationships as well. Contact Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639 to start your journey to hope, growth, and healing.
