Alternative Holiday Celebrations
The holiday season is upon us. For some it’s a time for specialty hot beverages from our local coffee shop, shopping, gifting, dancing, and having joyful family reunions. For others, it’s a source of sadness after death in our families, or stress as we try to figure out how to spend time with all our people, especially when we have blended families, ex-families, dysfunctional families…”oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!”…not! Whatever your situation this holiday season, here are some ideas for alternative holiday celebrations to help ease your stress! I have worked with families for a while now, and of course I come from a family, so I’m no stranger to adjustments and tweaking gatherings around the holiday season. Here are some tips that I have found helpful throughout the years. (Tips Below Video!!)
What makes you truly happy
First and foremost, do what makes YOU happy. If you are doing things because you feel that you are “supposed” to do them, you will not find joy in the act, and most definitely will be channeling the Grinch instead of a joyful elf. This means that you do not have to host a seven-course, from scratch meal, and dress up in your fancy outfit if it doesn’t feel joyful to you. Maybe an alternative celebration can be a stretchy-pant, laid back, buffet style meal ordered from your local supermarket, or a dress nice and bring something for a pot-luck so that you do not have to spend the whole day cooking. However if you are like one of my friends, the prospect of a fancy meal and fancy clothes just makes her entire year…in that case, go for it, and go for it big!
Alternative dates for celebrations
When we have blended families or extended families, making the holidays run smoothly can seem like a task similar to an air traffic controller’s job, and we can end up very tired after travelling to three or five different homes on the same day! We want our children to spend time with us, but also with their other families (our ex-partner’s, our step-parents, their partner’s families, etc), but how to do so?
Well, this is the alternative portion of this blog…let’s be flexible, let us get creative. Look at your calendars and choose the day before, the weekend before, or the morning after to have your gathering, which leaves the actual holiday hours free for your loved ones to spend as they please. Take lots of pictures, videos, live it up as if it were the actual holiday, because for you and your loved ones, it is! For example, your thing can be to host a Post-Thanksgiving breakfast/brunch for your family, that way on Thanksgiving all the grown children can spend time with their other parent, or their partner’s families without feeling disconnected or sad because someone is missing out. You can meet up for breakfast/brunch and then do some shopping together, or just hang out to watch the parade and football.
This year, I am celebrating Thanksgiving with my nuclear family on Wednesday evening, so that on Thursday everybody can go to their other families and connect with them as well. I also have a cousin who gathers her grown children with their spouses and the spouse’s families on the day before Christmas Eve for a family meal. That way, on Christmas Eve her children can go to their father’s home to celebrate, and on Christmas day they can host their own gathering, or visit with their partner’s families. These ideas come from my particular background, but feel free to tweak so that it fits your holiday celebrations in a balanced way.
It’s OK not to be physically together during the holidays
It sometimes feels like we are pressured into having the perfect holiday, with all our family around the table. However, it’s difficult, not to mention pricey, for all to drive, fly or take a train for the holidays. In that case, I will share with you a way to connect with each other no matter where in the world you are. My family is close-knit yet huge, and spread throughout the country, the Caribbean and the world…when I say huge, I’m talking over 50 cousins, their partners, their children, furry children, and their partner’s families.
So what is our one family tradition? For almost 10 years now, we have chosen a holiday pyjama as soon as they hit the internet (usually beginning of November). Everyone gets a text or social media notification and places their orders. Some have to order here, and then mail to other countries where other family members do not get delivery from our chosen buying spot. Then on either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning we all wear the same pyjamas, take pictures and upload them to our family page! It’s a way of connecting, of having family in our thoughts even if we can’t have them in front of us.
We see it as a holiday hug. I have seen families chose a theme (Chef outfits, 101 Dalmatians, Elves, Disney characters, Reindeer antlers, Ugly sweater) and do the same as my family… they gather in their respective hubs, and share pictures with the rest of the family who are doing the same thing in their part of the world. Find something that fits your family style, and create your own tradition. Traditions make us grow stronger together.
Make time to decompress
Families can be lovely, and can be stressful. We may have strained relationships, or unsolved issues with some, or many. Therefore, schedule a time to decompress from the emotions that arise during the holiday. It can be as easy as taking a day off to pamper yourself, go to the gym, take a yoga class, go hiking, or hit the beach. If you believe it will require more than a quick pampering, then make sure you schedule an appointment with your therapist ahead of time. We understand how difficult this season can be, and are here to support you in your path. Until our next blog-chat! Stay focused on your well-being and strive for kindness towards those around you. Remember that your home for Hope, Growth & Healing awaits for you at Harper Therapy.
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