Survive Your Dysfunctional Family this Thanksgiving
Somehow, 2018 has warp-sped to Thanksgiving. And once again, we find ourselves entering into that season. For a lucky few, it's "the most wonderful time of the year". For many of us, a more accurate description would be "it was the best of times; it was the worst of times..." Every year around this time, you try to figure out how you're going to survive your dysfunctional family this Thanksgiving. The fact of the matter is that each year, you do the same thing, hoping and praying that things will be different. But isn't that the definition of insanity? It's time to shake things up just a bit, and here's how!
1. Recognize that everyone has a dysfunctional family
Norman Rockwell might have been a skilled artist, but he was not entirely accurate with his idealized paintings of American families. Dysfunction occurs along a continuum, from family members being slightly annoyed with each other to all-out brawls, but know that there is no "normal" family, so we're all in good company!
2. Identify your FOOB (Family of Origin Bullsh!t)
Our FOOBS are the lenses that we learned to see the world through as we grew up and the gremlins that tell us how things "should" or "shouldn't" be, and unhealthy behavior that comes from these. As we navigate through adulthood, we begin to realize that our FOOBS are not entirely accurate or the way we choose to live our adult lives. Every family has its own flavor of FOOB.Yours might be Aunt Edna's views on politics or your grandfather's tendencies to get obnoxiously drunk and the way you've been taught to politely smile and nod instead of removing yourself from the conversation, or look the other way instead of asking your loved one to hand over their car keys.
3. Get clear for yourself about what's ok and what's not ok
What are the areas of biggest stress? What's no longer working for you? Are you tired of not having food options that fit your eating style and preferences? Maybe now is the time to offer to bring a dish! Do you know that things start to go downhill after dessert, when everyone has stopped using their best behavior? Excuse yourself before then!
4. Set limits
The easiest step is to limit the amount of time with your family.Whether it's letting them know that you're only available for Thanksgiving dinner from 6-8, or choosing to stay at a hotel when visiting instead of with other family members.These are hard steps to take, and you'll need some support from a spouse, friend, or a therapist, but it will help keep you sane this Thanksgiving!
The holidays bring their own level of stress, so take extra care of yourself. Part of that self care might include talking with a therapist to help you sort out some of your FOOBs. Harper Therapy's counselors can help with that! To schedule a free consultation, call us at 813-434-3639.
