What Does Relationship Recovery Look Like?
Partner 1: “You cannot seem to let your partner in, you keep thinking about the affair and still feel like you cannot trust your partner. You want to let it go but there is this nagging part of you that tells you to be careful and to make them pay for what they did. It almost felt better when you didn’t know about the affair…you can truly identify with the saying, “ignorance is bliss”. Continuing on this way is not an option but you just can’t imagine going your separate ways. You want to make this work but don’t know how to let go of the hurt. It has not been working to do this by yourselves. You finally realize you might need some help in order to move past this.”
Partner 2: “It feels like Groundhog’s Day in your relationship…you are sorry for what you’ve done but don’t know how to make it better. On the one hand, you don’t understand why your partner can’t just let it go and move on…after all, the affair is over and you’re not talking to the other person anymore. Doesn’t that count? On the other hand, you struggle to let go of your shame and value yourself in the relationship. You never thought when you took your wedding vows that this would be you. And right now, it seems like the rest of the vows you took, like ‘til death do us part’, mean nothing. You’re worried that you might not make it through this and that your family will be broken up. Continuing this way is not feasible but you don’t know where to go for help. You feel all alone in this.”
Things might seem hopeless now, but guess what? There is a way out of this. Couples therapy can help you and your partner talk about your needs and express your pain without fighting or shutting down. Being able to forgive your partner after their affair and making the decision to be committed to one another will help you both take the necessary steps to have the relationship you deserve.
Healing is not only about how to let your partner in again or how they can prove their trustworthiness but it’s also about getting to know YOU. Making a relationship work takes you to a place of self-discovery. In order to know how to forgive, how to connect and how to communicate, you have to learn who you really are and what you want. You learn to forgive yourself, to take care of you, and to prioritize your emotions and needs. You are able to trust your instincts more and more and do not doubt yourself as much. You’re able to start enjoying your relationship in a different way, even with everything that’s happened in the past. This process of healing, not only your relationship but yourself as well, will give you the power you always wanted to have. The power to feel loved and to love without experiencing shame and hurt. The ability to express your needs and feel unconditionally supported. You will both learn to create rituals of love with each other that you practice on a daily basis. You no longer feel guilty or pressured to do anything you do not want to. You are both sure of who you are and what you want, with the ability to set boundaries and respect them. No, it is not perfect and yes, you do not agree on everything, but your wounds have healed and now you can talk to each other honestly without things escalating. You have the relationship you deserve based on honesty, connection, and trust.
Let us help you get what you deserve here at Harper Therapy.
Give us a call to get started at 813-434-3639.
