Don’t Blame Yourself, You Were Taught To Not Get Help For Your Relationship!

We as people in relationships with each other tend to be doers of what we have learned. We don’t realize how the things we have grown up with affect the way we are when we get older. So much of what we have learned in our lives tends to come from modeling. 

Modeling is doing what we have seen others do, so we reenact it. 

When it comes to relationships, we often do what we have seen our parents or guardians model in their relationships. This may be good, or this may be bad depending on the kind of relationship our parents have or had. If you grew up in a household where the relationship between your parents was explosive and volatile, you are most likely repeating that in your current relationships. 

We tend to repeat things we have learned and this creates patterns that get repeated in our relationships. We complicate this when we add another person to our lives who grew up seeing something completely different modeled for them in their parent’s relationship. This means we both bring baggage to our relationship from our past lives and experiences. 

It’s not your fault, you have learned how to struggle in your relationship and not get help. 

The goal is to break these patterns that we have learned over time from our parents or guardians and do better at being relational with our partners. This is turn will set up our next generation of relationships to be more healthy than what was modeled for us. 

In a lot of ways, both partners have been programmed to struggle in relationships if they have not seen what a healthy relationship looks like. If it has never been modeled to you, how can you expect to put it in place in your relationship?

Last week we talked a little about why we as couples tend to wait so long to get help for our relationships. What has been modeled to us plays into that decision to wait so long to learn a better way to be in a relationship with your partner. 

As a society, we need to learn how to be relational. We need to learn this so we can pass this on to our children. We need to stop creating more failed relationships because we don’t want to get help as a couple. 

If you are ready to take the steps to learn how to be in a better relationship with your partner it’s time to call Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639 today.