A Return to Intimacy?

Partner 1: “You want to be intimate with your partner, but do not know how because you are so hurt by this affair.  You still don’t feel comfortable having sex, but you crave connection. You long for knowing that your partner is there for you and that you can trust that they will come through and show up when you need them, but you’re terrified that you might never be able to trust them again.  Every time you move toward your partner in an intimate way, images of them with their affair partner play through your head – and you don’t even know what the other person looks like.   You’d like to know that there’s a way to move past these pictures popping up, but you don’t know how.

Partner 2: “You felt disconnected before the affair, but afterwards it got even worse. Now, you feel stuck and like you’re walking on eggshells. You don’t know how to approach the situation without causing more damage. Being physically connected with your partner makes you feel both desired and valued, but how can you tell them this without making them feel pressured? Bringing up sex definitely pulls the “affair trigger”, and before you know it, you’re down that spiral again.  It takes effort every day to show them that you want to make this work but sometimes it feels like nothing you do is ever enough. You feel anxious and scared because you have not had sex with your partner for a long time, and you don’t know when it will happen again.”

Working on what sex looks like after an affair is one of the most difficult parts of affair recovery.  Can you ever trust each other enough to be that vulnerable with one another again?  Healing takes time, but what happens when it feels like the healing will never come?

At Harper Therapy, we help you grieve the purity and simplicity of the sex life that you had before the affair.  We can help you talk about the way each of you would like your sex life to look like moving forward, without walking on eggshells and spiraling out of control.  We can pace the process so that it’s not too fast or too slow, but just right for you to create something new that you can both take pleasure it. 

Give us a call today to get started at 813-434-3639