When Your Loved One is in Active Addiction - Tips for the Holidays

Recently, we did a Facebook live on how to navigate a loved one’s addiction and gave you some tips on how to be there for your loved one while still setting limits around what you are willing and able to give in the relationship. As we approach the holiday season, which can bring about a great deal of joy and cheer for some and grief and loss for others, we have to make sure that we’re careful not to compare our lives, through social media or other mediums, to those of others.

Addiction ravages families and relationships and ultimately can deter the best laid out holiday plans and gatherings. It’s important to know what your boundaries are in dealing with your loved ones who are struggling with the disease of addiction. For instance, you might not be okay with your loved one drinking or using in your home. This needs to be laid out up front so that everyone is on the same page before the big day. Another important point here is that if you’re not prepared to enforce your boundary, don’t set it. It’s okay if you’re not ready to ask your loved one to leave your home or to tell them they cannot spend the holiday with you; just know that either way, it will likely be hard and painful because, like so many things in life, the situation does not fit the image in your mind of how you thought it would turn out. 

This is where grief comes in. It’s important to honor all of your feelings, not just the happy and joyful ones. Grief comes not just when you lose something tangible, like a loved one or a relationship, but also the idea of something, like how things are “supposed” to go. As mentioned in our Facebook live, there are five stages of grief; first there is Denial, then Anger, then Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Ultimately the goal is to get to Acceptance and unfortunately, you can’t rush through the stages. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel the feelings without judgment and without self-criticism. We talk a lot at Harper Therapy about self-compassion and giving yourself this gift of self-care, especially while dealing with a loved one’s addiction, is especially important during this time of the year. 

Please reach out to us at 813-434-3639 if Harper Therapy can help you process your feelings of grief due to a family members addiction and help you move towards a place of love, understanding, compassion, and ultimately acceptance.