Holidays and Budgeting
Hello again Harper Therapy friends! We have reached the holiday season in this most unusual year! It started October 31st with Halloween celebrations, and intensifies on November 14th with the celebration of Diwali, then Thanksgiving, then Hanukkah starting on December 10th, Christmas on the 25th, Kwanzaa on the 26th and Three Kings Day on January 6th...we are on the holiday train!
Holidays evoke a number of different emotions in all of us. For some it is a sobering moment as we remember loved ones who are no longer here, or traumatic events lived during these periods of time in the past. It can also bring to the surface the dysfunctions in our personal and family lives. It can also be a season of joy and reconnection for others. All these emotions are valid and entirely personal.
The one thing we see the most during this time, is an ongoing conversation/argument/fight regarding money and finances. In a society where we are used to expressing love and affection through gifting, it is sometimes a hard conversation to have. We want to talk a bit about budgeting and its impact in our daily lives.
When we talk about budgeting, we are not saying “Do Not Spend!” or “Deprive Yourself!”. We are saying, “Let’s sit down to see what are priorities and how much are going to allocate for these items/experiences.” This is a year long conversation, but it’s never too late to have it. Here are a few pointers:
Be Intentional. Make a time to meet, and stick to it. Sit with yourself or your partner to look at pay stubs, bank accounts, bills and due dates.
Create a calendar spread. This can be a paper planner or calendar or an electronic device calendar that has reminders of bills due and amount. This way you know exactly how much money is in the account after paying bills, buying groceries and gasing up the cars.
Work with “sinking funds”. The sinking funds term is commonly used in finances to define a sub category where you allocate money each month for things that happen at different times during the year. For example, if you plan on spending $1200 in gifts for the holidays, you set aside $100 every month for the gifts fund instead of having to get into debt for the full $1200 around holiday season. Sinking funds are also used for car maintenance, HOA fees, school pictures, and recurring expenses that occur quarterly or twice a year. There can also be a sinking fund for vacations and/or hobbies (see...it’s for fun stuff too!)
Understand each other’s relationship with money. It is very likely that if you are having arguments over money, you and your partner had different approaches toward money as you grew up. Let’s start by clarifying that neither approach is “right or wrong”. The key is to find a middle ground and understanding of how, when and how much you both feel comfortable spending. Also understanding what the gifting actually means. For example, is it to show off lifestyle and socioeconomic status even if you have to go into debt for it? Is it a token of appreciation for the support received in the past year? Is it an experience that can add to the receiver’s life enrichment? Understanding how these approaches to gifting impacted us as we grew up, can explain how our relationship with money is today.
Make it a goal to not be in more debt at the end of the year. By setting a budget for the full year, you can cash flow most or all of your holiday expenses and you are less likely to use credit cards or get into debt by taking out loans.
Yiara Blanco, Psy.D
These are just a few pointers on how to manage holidays and budgeting in order to survive with the least amount of stress. These are conversations that can start a bigger change in your life. If you happen to notice that holidays trigger arguments related to finances, and you need to improve communication skills and finding middle ground, give us a call at 813-434-3639. Let us here, at Harper Therapy, be your home for Hope, Growth and healing!
