Boundaries and Relationships During the Holidays
I'll never forget sitting in The Daring Way™ training and hearing my facilitator's words. His name was Doug. Unless it was "Dammit Doug". You know, when someone drops a #truthbomb in your lap and the only thing you can think is DAMMIT. Dammit Doug's comment? "A chronic state of resentment and pissed-offedness means a lack of self care and not good boundaries. UGH. That made so much sense in my life and relationships and why I felt exhausted and resentful sometimes. Honestly, boundaries is my life's work. It's not something that I learned growing up, and it's something that I'm always trying to improve on. The definition of boundaries? What's ok and what's not ok. When it comes to boundaries, clear is kind. Not clear is not kind. So how does this apply to relationships and the holidays? Read on to find hear our tips for boundaries and relationships during the holidays
Boundaries and Relationships During the Holidays
Be honest with yourself about the impact of the relationship. We have to be willing to admit that it does leave us resentful and pissed-off, instead of pretending that it doesn't bother us or making excuses for the other person's behavior.
Check in with yourself and the “ick” factor. Here's my very scientific way of determining if something is "off" in a relationship and a boundary needs to be identified and introduced -- check in with your body. For many people, there's a punch in the gut feeling in the stomach. Or maybe an increase in the heart rate. And especially pay attention to a tightness in the throat that might indicate that something needs to be said. Usually, these encounters leave you feeling bad.
What are your non-negotiable? Get really clear about what absolutely needs to change. Have really hard conversation with people about what’s ok and what’s not ok for you.
Take action for yourself. Have a plan to take care of yourself.
Celebrate! Another highly scientific intervention in our office is that we ring a cow bell to celebrate when we do something really hard and brave (because playing it safe really isn't serving us any more!). So, ring a metaphorical cow bell for yourself!
If you find it difficult to get an understanding of boundaries, what yours might be, and how to have these hard conversations, you're not alone! We have an awesome team of skilled therapists who can help you! Call our office at 813-434-3639.
