The Art of Listening to Improve Your Relationship -- Part One
We live in a world of constant noise, external noise like construction sites, cars, music, TV shows, social media videos, babies crying; as well as internal noise like self-talk, to-do lists, reviewing conversations. However, with such exposure to noise, do we listen? Do we know how to listen? That is what I invite you to chat about today, with tips on the art of listening to improve your relationship!
Considering that communication is one of the pillars for healthy relationships, one would argue that couples are racing to work, or are in the process of mastering listening skills. Nope! Not the case! What we have found is that we hear but do not always listen, and that leads to break downs in relationship interactions. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is actually receiving the noise, sounds, the ‘blah-blah-blah’, whereas listening is figuring out what do our partner’s words mean, what is their body saying, what are the feelings behind their words.
If you hadn’t thought about this until now, don’t fret, your relationship is not doomed, there are some basic steps that we can implement in order to turn our “hearing” into good and healthy “listening”.
The Art of Listening to Improve Your Relationship
Make eye contact. Listening requires being completely present. Looking at the subtle cues in our partner’s face, the way they position their body, how they move their hands, and in the slight curve of their mouths. When we maintain eye contact we are engaging all our senses and not only listening to the string of syllables, but making logical and emotional sense of these words.
Wait until partner is done, please do not interrupt.Respect your partner’s time of expression, if they are trying to communicate with you, it is something that is important to them. You wouldn’t like someone interrupting you mid-sentence, right?! I know I don’t appreciate that!
Show you understand. Nod, say “yes”, ”okay”, “I hear you”, “Wow”.
Listen without a hidden agenda. Please refrain from planning your response while your partner is speaking. Be wholehearted while listening. By the way, wholehearted means being present with all your senses, being sincere, committed, empathic.
“Listen” to non-verbal cues. Almost 60% to 75% of our communication is non-verbal! Raised eyebrows, hand flapping, crossed arms, foot tapping anybody?! No words needed to understand what is going on in those instances!
Create an environment that welcomes conversation, and listening. Aim to turn off the TV, radio, stove, put down the phone.
Well, these key concepts should get us started on the path to effective communication. True listening creates deeper connections, and understanding of those around us. True listening strengthens trust and commitment, which are the foundation of healthy and successful relationships. If in the process of learning and practicing these techniques you forget these concepts, just remember this…we have 2 ears and 1 mouthpiece…so we must listen more than we talk…and that my friends, is the best place to start.
Until our next blog-chat! Stay focused on your well-being and strive for kindness towards those around you. Remember that your home for Hope, Growth & Healing awaits for you at Harper Therapy. Call us to ask about marriage counseling with Yiara, and set up your appointments at 813.434.3639.
