Self Care to Help with Anxiety
A note from Yolanda:
Today, I turn the blog over to a cherished guest-blogger, my little sister, Krissie. Krissie writes honestly, authentically, vulnerably about her struggle with burn-out and being a wife, mom, a woman in today's society -- which, honestly, gives us the message that we're "selfish" if we take care of ourselves. It's an honest conversation about the importance of self care to help with anxiety, and what "self care" means -- looks like, sounds like, feels like. In the video portion of the blog, I share my own story, as well as some tips about using self care to help with anxiety. ** Note: Self care is about putting ourselves on our own list of priorities. Sometimes, deciding to spend money on yourself helps with that. Watch the video below for additional self care tips that don't involve spending money...
I don't know where to start really... I found myself in a very deep, dark pit that I couldn't pull myself out of. I recently heard some stats during a radio program about girls being raised to be "perfect". It rung so true to me. During the monologue, the woman pointed out a lot of girls are pressured into so many roles - straight A's, being super model beautiful/thin, etc. She also discussed the differences between genders in our society. Boys are raised to be tough, take risks, be brave. She spouted some numbers, but something else that struck me in an extremely profound way is that statistically men will apply for a job they meet only 60% of requirements for, whereas a woman will not apply unless she meets 100% of the requirements. Perfection.
For me, I couldn't understand why I felt a calling in my life to be a stay at home mom, but then desperately needed a break from said family. If I'm called, shouldn't this be easy? I fell into the trap of that exact mentality. Difficulty would elude me because I was being obedient. Clearly, I wasn't trying hard enough, doing enough, or I'm just NOT ENOUGH.
No. Motherhood is messy. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, & physically. Every family faces different trials, tribulations, & changes... My experiences are just that, my own... No better or worse than anyone else, but this is to share a bit of my reality.
My family has gone through major life changes over the years... multiple moves, choosing to homeschool, and now transitioning to public school. Along with all the craziness of raising 4 children. Wow. It was, & is, incredibly overwhelming for this woman who craves routine & continuity. Not that anyone does truly, but I DO NOT deal with change well. And love to plan (to a fault). My whole (adult) identity has been wrapped up in being a stay at home/homeschooling mom. Quickly, I found myself at home with only one child... while the other 3 were thriving at school. I was elated. But. It's also a punch to the gut. As a mother, I gave up a lot to be the backbone of my family. And I lost myself in that.
For years I've had people encourage self care. I never really knew what that meant for me. I love a good pedicure. A massage is nice and relaxing. While I enjoy these activities, they're over far too quickly. And reality was knocking harder and louder after every solo outing. I longed for a getaway. But I didn't (DON'T) want to be a financial burden to my family... and going away can be expensive. There was a constant underlying anxiety about not having enough alone/down time or the guilt of losing out on family time. I became increasingly short tempered and even downright angry. It finally clicked that I cannot CANNOT cannot care for my family if I'm not taking care of myself. And self care is not a one size fits all thing...
Several months ago we made the decision to reallocate finances to invest in family experiences/travels through the purchase of a travel trailer. We have met some incredibly amazing people in our handful of camping adventures. One family in particular has impacted in a lasting way. They are a family of 7 who made the decision (around the time we did actually) to purchase a motorhome. We met on their first trip & have kept in touch since... She's a stay at home/homeschooling mom & her husband travels for months at a time (like 6!) at least once a year. She was so calm & had this great peace about her. We had just made the decision to have the boys attend public school, so I was struggling in a major way... I just did not understand HOW SHE DID IT?!? I've been surrounded, for years, by women who have "it" all together. And I found myself caught up in the comparison trap/perfection game. I just was not on their level... so I allowed myself to fell "less than".
ANYWAYS. They've implemented a lot of wonderful resources & communication strategies to help her. The one thing that caught me off guard though... She has occasional retreats. IN HER OWN TOWN. Hmm. So, I can get "away" and not spend hundreds or thousands for downtime?!? Now, we don't live anywhere glamorous. There aren't any 5 star hotels around. She will go grab dinner, check in, and.just.be. She said sometimes she'll get a massage to help wind down, snag food, and go crawl in bed. AND she's literally 10 minutes from her house. No vacation time needed for anyone!!!
SO. My husband and I decided this was worth a shot... It took several weeks to put it together and figure it out, but I did it. Last Friday, I left my husband and children and drove 35 minutes away... I grabbed dinner and headed to my hotel. It.was.so.hard.to.unwind... I had anxiety about my anxiety. I had anxiety about what I was going to do.I had anxiety about having to go home the next day. The quiet was just so overwhelming, yet peaceful. I was finally able to just be. It was absolutely lovely. I laid there and watched Food Network for hours... finally I drifted off to sleep. I wish I could say it was the best nights sleep I'd had in ages. Or the most comfortable bed I'd ever slept in. But I'd be lying. However, not having to stress about "if I fall asleep now, I can get x hours of sleep..." OR "oh crud! I forgot blahblahblah"... OR fillintheblankforwhereyourmind
goes... was exactly what I needed. I didn't have to be "on". Like I said, I was anxious to have to go home the next day (& TRUST, I asked if they had availability for the next night), but it was nice to feel appreciated and missed when I walked in the door. This past week hasn't been perfect, I'm still struggling through some deep exhaustion among other things. BUT! I've found a FABULOUS tool for my self care toolbox. In fact, we've already set up another getaway in a couple of weeks!
No matter what your toolbox looks like - counseling/therapy, mani/pedis, massage, hair/beauty appointments, girls weekends, spousal getaways, dinner out with friends/solo - I hope this encourages someone the way it encouraged me. Furthermore, for those on a budget, check out places/websites that help you earn free nights! Or if you/your spouse travel often and accumulate hotel points, redeem those suckers on yourself! Sometimes getting out of our "norm" is all it takes to reset.
Therapy with Alina or Yiara might be the next step of hope, growth, and healing from anxiety. Call 813-434-3639 to schedule your appointment.
