The Power of Empathy to Connect in Your Marriage
We've been sharing a lot of tips about how to improve connection in your marriage -- practicing vulnerability turning towards your partner, as well as intentionally creating routines that help you connect. At its core, connecting with our partner is about being seen and heard. It's a sense of belonging. And an important component to belonging is using the power of empathy to connect in your marriage.Empathy is about connecting with someone on an emotional level. On a spiritual level. On a gut level.
Sound intimidating? It is certainly a vulnerable practice, but remember that vulnerability is the foundation of solid relationships! Although we are innately empathic creatures as human beings (which is why we find ourselves wincing if someone else is in pain or tearing up if someone is sad), it's not a skill set that society teaches. No worries! Today, we'll break down the attributes of empathy so that you can use is to connect in your marriage.
The Power of Empathy to Connect in Your Marriage
Five Steps
Perspective taking. This is stepping into your partner's shoes and seeing life through their lenses. It's honoring the fact that we each do things a bit differently, and that's ok. Take a few moments to walk a mile in your partner's shoes to see what their experience looks like, sounds like, tastes like, feels like.
Staying out of judgment. This one is tough for us! As humans, we have a bent towards judging. And our society has allowed many of us to sharpen that skill! So recognize your tendency to judge, the take a step back. Practicing empathy is not a time to problem solve or to talk through "better" ways of handling things. Remember, it's about hearing and seeing your partner!
Recognize emotions. Remember that the definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. So, by definition, empathy is vulnerable. But again, this is the vulnerability that leads to greater connection. Don't be fooled by the myth that you have to have gone through the same experience to empathize. Empathy is all about connecting to the emotions that underlie an experience. Maybe you haven't lost a parent, for example, but we all know grief, sadness, fear, loneliness. Tap into those memories to connect with the emotion that your spouse seems to be experiencing.
Verbalize emotions. Then check with your partner. "You seem sad about this." Then, your partner can confirm their experience, or maybe share other parts that you missed. Again, super vulnerable, but you'll have a glimpse into your partner's soul!
Mindfulness. Empathy is best practiced in middle ground, without "diving into" emotions and getting lost in our own experience, and without "building a brick wall" to protect ourselves from our partner's emotional pain, with leads to an experience of us "turning away" from them and is super damaging. This takes some practice, but we get good at what we practice!
These are skillsets that don't come easily for many of us, especially during the messy middle of marriage. If you and your partner would like some support in building skills that will help you connect in your marriage, schedule and appointment with Yiara and get back in touch with the person you fell in love with! Use the form below to schedule a free 15 minute consult so we can share how we can help!
