Helping Your Teenager with Self-Harm
If you suspect that your teenager is engaging in self-harm, it is crucial to take action. Here are some tips on how to help your teenager with self-harm:
Talk to your teenager: The first step in helping your teenager is to talk to them about their self-harm. Let them know that you are concerned about them and that you are there to support them.
Here are tips on how to approach your teen to get them to talk:
🔹 Be patient and non-judgmental: Teens may be hesitant to open up if they feel like they will be judged or criticized for what they share. Approach the conversation with an open mind and let them know that you are there to listen and support them.
🔹 Choose the right time and place: It's important to pick a time and place where your teen feels comfortable and relaxed. Avoid starting a serious conversation when they are stressed or distracted, such as right before a big exam or while they are playing video games.
🔹 Use open-ended questions: Instead of asking yes or no questions, use open-ended questions that encourage your teen to share more about their thoughts and feelings. For example, instead of asking "Are you feeling okay?" ask "How have you been feeling lately?” More specific phrasing may be;
"I noticed some cuts/bruises on your arm. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened?”
"I'm concerned about you and I want to make sure you're okay. Have you been feeling really overwhelmed or stressed lately?”
"I've noticed some changes in your behavior lately and I'm worried about you. Have you been hurting yourself?”
"I care about you and I want to understand what you're going through. Have you been feeling the urge to hurt yourself?”
"I'm here to support you and I want to make sure you're getting the help you need. Can you tell me if you're struggling with anything right now?"
🔹 Listen actively: When your teen is talking, give them your full attention and show that you are listening. This means making eye contact, nodding, and responding to what they are saying.
🔹 Avoid jumping to conclusions: It's important not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what your teen is saying. Instead, ask for clarification or more information if you're not sure what they mean. This can help prevent misunderstandings and keep the conversation productive.
Seek professional help: Self-harm is a serious issue, and it is essential to seek professional help.
🔹 We highly recommend making an appointment with a therapist or counselor who specializes in working with teenagers AND trauma.
🔹 Find a trauma therapists who is certified in trauma interventions like Accelerated Resolution Therapy. Experienced clinicians can assist you teen in processing their feelings and experiences in a safe and supportive environment.
🔹 They can also provide teens with tools and coping strategies to help them manage their emotions and behaviors.
Create a safe space: It is essential to create a safe space for your teenager where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings.
🔹 In sessions, I have developed an agreement between teens and parents called ‘the Safety Zone.’ In the agreement, the teen or parents calls for a safety zone meaning anything that is shared will not be punished or used against the teen. It is a judgement free, accepting, supportive zone.
Let them know that you are there for them and that they can come to you at any time.
🔹 Being ‘there’ for your teen may include scheduling in a date night for quality time with them on a weekly basis so they can trust that you are physically available.
🔹 Being ‘there’ for your teen may include putting your phone down or shutting your laptop to be totally emotionally and mentally present with your teen.
Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Encourage your teenager to engage in healthy coping mechanisms AND join them:) Some examples are;
🔹 Exercise, meditation, or talking to friends.
Be patient: Overcoming self-harm is a process, and it may take time.
🔹 It can be scary and quite painful to recognize your teen is self-harming. The natural tendency is to want to make it stop immediately. Be patient with your teenager and support them throughout their journey.
Does this feel like a lot to you? Come in, sit down, and let's chat. Allow me to learn about the specifics of your teen and your concerns, we can set some goals and get a plan together.
Remember, it's important to approach your teen with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen. It's also important to reassure the teenager that seeking help for self-harm is a sign of strength, not weakness.
We have an environment where your teen can feel seen, heard and safe.
I would LOVE to talk with you:)! Call Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639.
Please note that this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned that your teenager may be self-harming or struggling with mental health issues, we urge you to seek the help of a qualified mental health professional. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255 and provides 24/7 support for individuals in crisis.
