Under Pressure: Quarantine, Communication and Romantic Relationships
Hello friends! Our theme for July; “Under Pressure”, started off last week with managing the anxiety of deciding what to do with our little ones come the new academic year. This week we expand to the care of our romantic relationships during pandemic times.
We have noticed an increase in calls related to communication issues in the relationship. Let’s agree that being stuck in a house with only a limited amount of people, can impact mood and communication. We transition from “Let’s survive this together, we can do it!” to “OMG, I can’t stand how you breathe, can you stop?!” in less than a minute. Today we want to share with you some insights and tips in order to revive your connection in the couplehood realm:
Be aware that we chose our partners with virtues and flaws. And we are also flawed. Therefore, if we are “losing it” with their chewing habits, can we imagine which one of our traits are driving them to the edge? Let us approach this situation with humility.
Check body language, choice of words and tone when we address our partner. Let us instill gentleness and compassion in our message.
Preface the conversation in order to share what our intention is. For example; “Honey, this is a venting conversation, could you gift me listening time?” or “Honey, this is a fix-it conversation, could I brainstorm with you so we can find a solution together?” or “Honey, I am feeling anxious today, because the due date for back to school decision is coming up, can I share what I’m experiencing while you hug me?”.
Make time for in-depth conversations. Check-in with each other, care for the other person’s well-being. Engage in either the Love Card Decks app by the Gottman Institute (free on your smart phone) or The Eight Dates book, also by the Gottman’s and the Abram’s, to foster connection and communication that goes to a deeper level.
Schedule time for dates, intimacy and sex. Yes, scheduling sex may seem odd, but with work and school from home, the boundaries and schedules are blurred, and having that special time set aside is putting intentionality into the relationship. Bring fun into the space of intimacy. For example; prepare a picnic spread in the bedroom, and imagine you are eating crepes, strawberries and sipping champagne at the Champs de Mars while the Eiffel Tower is lighting up and the song La Vie en Rose is playing in the background. Share your joy with your partner, ask your partner what his/her ideal getaway would be and try to recreate it with music, or food, or decorations.
Bonus insight!...It is okay to argue. All couples have differences of opinion and arguments. The important thing is to come back to each other to discuss feelings experienced, triggers that were activated and what you vow to do differently next time. When we circle around back to each other, we are showing ourselves and our partner, that the relationship is worth the time, the work, the effort. That the relationship is, at its core, a source of joy!
If you found this topic helpful, and you believe your relationship could use additional help and support in order to improve communication skills. Feel free to give us a call at 813-434-3639. Let Dr. Yiara Blanco, at Harper Therapy, be your home for Growth, Hope and Healing.
