The Impact of Workaholism on Your Relationship

There's no doubt about it, we are a nation of productivity! We've got goals to achieve, tasks to check off our to-do lists, and careers to build. But our driven nature can come at a cost to our marriages. Today we explore the impact of workaholism on your relationship.

Let's be honest, there's a reason so many of us get swept away in our work...

It's a legitimate part of our culture. We come by our "Puritan work ethic" honestly, and it feeds in to our idea of the "American Dream" of the house with the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and the dog. Those things don't come because there's a money tree in the back yard! They come from hard work!

Sometimes, the seeds of workaholism are planted early in a career, when you're trying to make a name for yourself, gain success, and the pattern is laid. Then, we get used to spending a lot of time at the office. More than the amount of time we spend at home, and we create friendships with our work family. Let's be honest -- sometimes it feels good to get tangible feedback from our bosses and co-workers in an environment where we feel wanted and valued.

A lot of us have specialized training in the work that we do, but not a skillset for our relationships.

In addition, many of our work environments are unhealthy and create a culture of taking advantage of employees. In uncertain economic times, if we put forth extra time and effort in our job, that just adds to an expectation from work to give more and more or be at risk of a layoff or unemployment.

The Impact of Workaholism in Your Relationship when One Partner is Involved

In a relationship where one partner is a workaholic, this can create a scenario where this person is absent at home and the other partner has to "pick up the slack" with household tasks and child care responsibilities. The non-workaholic partner can start to feel like they're getting the crumbs left behind from their spouse's mental, emotional, and physical energy, and they would be right. Unfortunately, in many cases when this feeling of resentment is brought up, they can be called a "nag".

The Impact of Workaholism in Your Relationship when Both Partners are Workaholics

This can especially be the case if both partners are business owners and/or entrepreneurs. It looks like the age-old "two ships passing in the night" and the relationship can feel much more like roommates or sibling instead of romantic partnership.

How do you recover from an affair with workaholism?

• Have the hard conversations. Be willing to listen. Get honest about the impact that the workaholism is having on the relationship. (Build a skillset for having the hard conversation by attending our Couples Communication Workshop.)

• Get out the calendar. Keep a log for a week of the time you're actually spending with work duties. Remember that where we spend our time and money are the greatest reflection of what we value, so this log can be really informative.

• Start putting boundaries around work. Stop returning phone calls and emails in the evenings and on weekends outside of what you're determined to be your work hours. Talk to your boss about limiting your availability to take business trips. Start showing your partner that they are more important to you than your job is.

Keep in mind that we need support in identifying and carrying out boundaries, especially when existing patterns have been in place for long periods of time. We also need a level of accountability in carrying out the boundaries until we've developed new habits. And because these conversations can trigger deep feelings around our value and worth, getting professional support is often a good idea.

That's where our team can help. Shamon and Yolanda Harper are not only Harper Therapy's Co-Founders, but they're also passionate about supporting couples in deepening their relationships through their Couples Communication Workshop. Sign up for a workshop today, or call 813-434-3639 to schedule a free consultation to see how we can help you and your partner!