Setting Boundaries to Set you Free During the Holidays

What’re Some Signs You May Need to Work on Boundaries?

Do you ever find yourself getting resentful of people asking too much of you? Does this seem to happen often? Do you say yes to things you’d rather not do? Do you say ‘yes’ just to avoid upsetting or disappointing others? Do you find yourself feeling resentful because you are doing more for others than they are doing for you?

How about keeping people at a distance because when people get too close they overwhelm you? Do you find yourself feeling that most of what you do is for other people that may not even appreciate it that much while your own needs go unmet? Do you find the stress you feel from potentially disappointing others is greater than the stress of doing things that inconvenience or drain you to please them?

With all the extras during the holidays, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and stressed. So setting boundaries, or your personal limits can be key to experiencing the abundance of the holidays without it becoming an overt takeover of your sense of well-being.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are a powerful tool in our self-care toolbox. Boundaries can set our own limits. Boundaries can set others’ limits concerning ourselves. Boundaries clearly mark what is ours to care for and boundaries clearly mark what is someone else’s area to care for. Boundaries give us space to live and move and breathe. Boundaries can protect us.

While boundaries are universal, the experience is unique to the individual. Whether it’s a friendship, a partner, a family member, or a professional relationship, it’s important to set boundaries to protect your energy, peace, and overall well-being.

Why do we need healthy boundaries?

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care that honors our needs. Healthy boundaries help us feel respected and safe. Boundaries help to protect from burnout, stress, and anxiety. They often prevent financial and emotional burdens. Boundaries create a clear guideline on how you would like to be treated. They let others know what is and what is not okay.

How to set boundaries?

• First, pay attention to how you feel in certain situations and about certain circumstances. Is there an event that you are dreading? Consider editing it out of your schedule. Are there people that suck up your time? Consider setting limits on how much you engage them

• Second, take a second to define and acknowledge what boundaries you may or may not have already set for your holidays. Do they feel good to you? Or is it just too much to say, the week before Christmas? Some adjustments may be in order.

sound and lighting so he comes over to put some extra lights on us and speakers for music. One year, the party ran quite late and since it was my oldest son’s friend, I delegated him seeing everyone out after they finished their pizzas and went to bed! 😁

• Thirdly, recognize what boundaries you would like to set in place. What are your needs? How do you feel within your existing boundaries? Still, overwhelmed? Maybe suffocated? Consider extending boundaries. Let’s say you are hosting a holiday event, what about delegating out some of the duties relating to the event? Is there someone who can run by the store to pick up items for you? Are there dishes and recipes you can delegate?

I usually hostess at least one event at my home during the holiday season. It takes a great deal of time to get the house in order, decorations and all, to prepare for the number of people who attend. One thing we have included in the invite guests to bring their own beverage and a side. 

While some boundaries are constant, unchanging, and non-negotiable. Other boundaries are fluid so they are ever-changing. Boundaries may look different from person to person, event to event, relationship to relationship, and season to season. 

Boundary Benefits

Decreases Stress. 

Improves Relationships. 

Improves Sense of Well-Being. 

Decreases Burnout.

Improves Self-Care. 

Sets Clear Expectations for Others.

Does this feel like a lot to you? Come in, sit down, and let's chat. Allow me to learn about the specifics of your holiday season and the need for boundaries.

Can you picture a very Merry Christmas? Can you see yourself feelings content and grateful over the holiday season? Enjoying the simple pleasures? And having emotional space? Mental space? And maybe even space to relax?

BUT…. What if I don't take the time to address some of your deeper needs? What if you just power through the holidays and hope next year is better but find your loneliness doesn’t lift come January 1st? Did you waste an entire holiday season and set yourself up for similar in the future?

I would LOVE to talk with you:)! Call Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639.