It’s Not You, It’s Your Inner Child

If you want to change that emotional mess you get caught up in and actually want to be able to process your emotions and other people's feelings, then working with your childhood emotional wound is the best place to start. Your earlier experiences with emotional neglect had led you here, so working on healing those wounds (inner child work) will help you be an emotionally wise adult who doesn't get explosive and is able to articulate their emotions. 

Although inner child work is uncomfortable at first, eventually, it becomes one of the most gratifying experiences because you actually get to go back in the past and comfort your seven-year-old and make them feel better. Wouldn't you love that as a kid, actually having an adult that you could have trust and come to when you were feeling those upsetting emotions. Instead of ignoring you or telling you to suck it up, they would actually hug you, comfort you, and tell you that your feelings are valid. That would have been amazing and probably would have led to you feeling more comfortable with your emotions. 

And that is what we call in therapy "inner child work" . It means being vulnerable with yourself and processing those bad emotional experiences that caregivers, teachers, or any other adult in your life made you go through. Remember you were just a child; you didn't know how to process emotions or understand why your feelings were not serious enough for the adults. It's not fair for a child to be told to suck it up or to be completely ignored; that's heartbreaking, and no one deserves that. Every kid has the right to have loving caregivers who are emotionally supportive, and it's not fair to expect a kid to just ignore their emotions. 

If those wounds were never healed during childhood, it makes sense that you will learn that ignoring and not expressing your emotions is the best thing you can do. After all, every single adult in your life is telling you to do that. And that becomes your norm, it becomes okay to not process emotions, and it becomes uncomfortable to have to deal with them. Therefore, it is not surprising that as an adult, you get either numb or explosive when it comes to emotions because you were never taught differently; you are still reacting to emotions as you did when you were a kid. 

So next time you are struggling with processing your emotions and feel numb, remember that it is not you as an adult reacting, but it is your inner child that is coming up. And in order to manage your reaction and be emotionally intelligent, you have to do inner child work. In other words, you have to talk to your seven-year-old self, comfort them and explain to them that emotions are good and that they are entitled to feel anything. An easy way to go through this process is to write a letter to your inner child and give them advice. You can also close your eyes and imagine yourself talking to your younger self, pulling them in your lap and comforting their feelings, telling them what you wish you had heard back then. 

If you are ready to work with your inner child and want to get the skills you need to be emotionally intelligent, then give us a call at Harper Therapy; we can help you get through the root of the problem so you can manage your emotions.