Healing Emotional Neglect

Take a moment and think about your childhood, were you allowed to express emotions? Did your parents/caregivers even talk about feelings? Were you validated when you were emotional? If the answer is no, then I have some good and bad news. The bad news is that you underwent emotional neglect. Your 7-year-old self was neglected emotionally; no one was there for you to teach you how to process your emotions or tell you that it was okay to feel sadness, fear, or excitement. It was assumed that you would figure it out on your own, but how could you when you were only a child. 

You might still be struggling with the leftovers of your emotional neglect during childhood. 

You might be used to not understanding what you actually feel, and you keep struggling to understand any other type of feeling. There is a high probability that people in your life are getting tired of you not being able to express your feelings and process their feelings as well. Emotions can be uncomfortable and overwhelming, but they are part of life, and you can't escape them. And here is where the good news comes, you can still learn how to be in touch with your emotions; you don't have to live this way forever unless you want to.

The most efficient and quick way to become emotionally intelligent is by healing the emotional neglect you went through as a child because that is where the root of the problem started. You can try to avoid thinking about your childhood, but it is not going to take you anywhere, and you will stay stuck in the cycle you are in now. And that doesn't sound fun at all. Or you can actually decide to put a stop to this negative cycle with your emotions and get the validation you deserve, and not only you but your 7-year-old was never told that his/her emotions were valid.

Furthermore, working on your emotional neglect during childhood will also improve your relationships in general. I am talking romantically, at work, with friends, at the grocery store, everywhere. Think about it, it's hard to give someone the space to vent and validate them when growing up, you were never given that space. It's a struggle to be patient and have empathy when other people get emotional or frustrated if you were never given that same empathy. But if you are able to heal that childhood wound and repair that neglect, you will have an easier time validating your partner when he/she is upset. You will have more patience at the grocery store with the person in front of you. You can even have more empathy for your coworkers or clients without feeling uncomfortable. 

So if you are tired of struggling to understand how you are actually feeling and want other people to stop complaining about your lack of validation and empathy, then you need to heal those earlier experiences that led you to be out of touch with your emotions. The good news is you don't have to do that alone; at Harper Therapy, we can help you get there in a way that is not overwhelming; it is not judgment or criticism during this process; we provide the validation and love you need to heal emotional neglect.