Are You Emotionally Intelligent?
You did the work; you admitted that you struggled to manage your emotions and started taking steps to heal your childhood emotional neglect that led you to be emotionally unavailable or explosive. So does this mean you are now emotionally intelligent? Well maybe. It takes more than just admitting your faults and realizing where the problem comes from to develop and master emotional intelligence. It takes everyday effort and motivation to be different to actually achieve emotional intelligence. This is just not a one-time thing; it's an everyday thing.
You have to take small steps every day. You cannot expect to do inner child work one time and then be an expert at articulating and coping with your emotions. Remember that practice leads to mastery. Here are the steps you need to be aware of to see progress when it comes to healing emotional neglect and mastering emotional intelligence.
Find balance:
Working on developing emotional intelligence while overcoming childhood neglect can be tricky. On one side, you have an awareness of why you are reacting in an explosive way, but on the other hand, you still struggle to cope with your emotions, such as anger. How can you balance validating your feelings of anger without being explosive? Well, when in doubt, always start by validating your inner child and comforting their feelings. After you have shown some kindness to yourself it is easier to move on to finding new ways of coping.
Practice new ways to cope:
Coping skills like journaling, exercising, going for a walk, taking deep breaths, coloring, cooking, and cleaning, are great skills that will help you interrupt that negative pattern of numbing, avoiding, or reacting explosively. The more you interrupt the pattern, the easier it would be for you to move towards getting in touch with your feelings.
Be aware of your body sensations:
When you are doing inner child work, try to feel your little self's emotions in your body. If you are working on healing emotional neglect from your parents, then be aware of any sensations you feel in your shoulders, head, chest, stomach, legs, hands, etc. Identifying your physical sensations is a guide toward identifying your emotions. Once you have a clear grasp of what you feel in your body when you think about your parents, then you can pair that with a word and notice if it fits. If that pressure in the chest could talk, would it say it feels anxious, happy, sad, or lonely? The more you go through this exercise, the easier it will be to identify your emotions
Show empathy:
Working on showing signs of empathy, validation, and kindness with yourself and others is what will make emotional intelligence last. If you can't be compassionate with your own feelings, then you would not be able to show them to anyone else. Practicing self-love would help you master your positive emotions. Again inner child work is the best way to start when it comes to self-compassion and self-love.
If you find yourself stuck in any of these steps, then we are here to help; at Harper Therapy, we can walk you through them and teach you how to apply them to your life.