How to Handle the Holidays When Things Aren’t So Festive
3 Strategies to Deal with Social Anxiety During the Holidays
“It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year….With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you to be of good cheer. It's the hap-happiest season of all….” Blah Blah Blah … Says NO One Ever with social anxiety!
Got Social Anxiety? Do you dread the holidays because of social gatherings? Does the thought of another holiday party fill you with dread? Do you have constant nagging thoughts of what others are thinking of you?
Maybe you avoid invitations if at all possible? Maybe you consider skipping the parties altogether? You may find your resistance to social engagements causing friction between you and your partner… or you find you’re frequently misunderstood by others?
You may ask yourself,
"Why are social engagements so difficult for me?”
“What if I embarrass myself?”
“What if we play a game and I have to be the center of attention for a while?”
Heck, if you gotta go, might as well pregame with alcohol or smoke a little beforehand to take the edge off?
So you get to the party… your body freezes, you feel your face heating up, and your palms begin sweating. After the joy of suffering through it, you get home and spend hours analyzing each interaction and engagement from the evening.
Dealing with social anxiety in any season is rough.
Small talk with colleagues at the office Christmas party, OH Dread… “I am worried I’ll say something stupid or that others won’t think well of me.”
“And I hate eating in front of others, I get so uncomfortable when others see me eating…”
Then there’s the time with family…. You may dread answering their questions or dealing with THAT family member… each year it is something…
Then there’s the social media thing… you may already be struggling but opening up Facebook or Instagram because it just highlights your isolation, your lack of connections, or the feeling that you’re not doing enough… your life may feel small and it gets smaller each time you read certain ‘friends’ social media posts… you’re left feeling this gaping void and a sense of insignificance…
Then there’s the illusion of the perfect Christmas. Frankly, what a bunch of bullshit. BUT, as a society, we have bought into it through the messaging of the media, commercials, and the endless perfect images we are bombarded with in magazines and on social media.
Sometimes our perception of what the perfect holiday looks like puts so much pressure on us that our anxiety skyrockets compounding the dread.
All of which compound anxiety.
Whether you struggle with social anxiety throughout the year or just feel the intensity of the season, here are three strategies you can use to help diminish the anxiety and ultimately the dread of the holiday season.
Understand Anxiety.
It’s key to understand why you feel the way you feel in social situations. Awareness is the first step to change. Social anxiety may be more intense in certain situations and not so intense in others. Observe which is more challenging for you… is it large holiday gatherings or intimate dinners with small groups of people?
Understand that symptoms like an elevated heart rate, sweating, and blushing can happen and it is okay. Observe when these symptoms tend to visit you. I highly recommend setting a small notebook aside to log these events or even chart them. It can include the date, situation, people present, and symptoms. Understanding which scenarios and people are present can help you gain understanding.
2. Observe Your Thoughts about Yourself & Check Them at the Door
DISCLAIMER; If what you say to yourself isn’t what you would say to a loved one who is struggling, don’t say it to yourself! Yep! Is it possible you are sabotaging yourself by talking smack to yourself? Then knock it off. I know, I know, easier said than done. Especially when we have a well-developed habit of doggin ourselves.
So the answer to self-sabotage self-talk? Kill it with kindness. You heard me, kill that self-sabotaging voice with kindness to yourself. I like to take the insult and turn it on its head. What is your negative self-talk? Counter it with an affirmation. Some examples might be; “You always say something stupid.” Check that at the door and invite something like, “I am free to be me, even when I say something silly.” Or “I feel fat and unattractive and don’t want to be seen” to “I'm gonna throw a belt on this and accentuate my curviness and highlight my eyes because they are amazing.” Be bold with your affirmations! The affirmations literally rewire your brain.
3. Practice Relaxation
I have the client envision a vertical ruler with markers from 1-10. As they observe their anxiety, it is easier to dial it back when you catch it before it reaches 5-7. When we learn to dial ourselves back, it becomes more natural for us to do.
a. Time out. One way to dial it back is to take a timeout from what is causing the anxiety. If it is a social situation, take a few minutes to remove yourself to go to the bathroom or pop outside for a minute. Regroup. Be gentle with yourself. Return.
b. Deep breathing with a hand on your heart can be used during your time out or any time. Inhale, 2-3-4, hold 2-3-4, exhale 2-3-4. Again. Inhale, 2-3-4, hold 2-3-4, exhale 2-3-4. Allow yourself time to do this as many times as needed. After all, this is your timeout. Own it!:)) Deep breathing can calm the nerves. Literally, it calms the nervous system and slows the heart rate just enough to allow some deep relaxing waves to wash over you.
c. 5 Minute Meditation is a quick way to create space and stillness in the mind when it is acting upon us. Set a timer on your phone. Get still and observe the thoughts that are causing the anxiety. “Oh, there’s that little thought wreaking havoc on me where I am feeling consumed about what others think of me…” Now taking that thought, we take a deep breath in, exhale the thought like we are blowing a balloon (it’s always red in my mind…99 red balloons go by…), and allow ourselves to release the balloon and watch it drift up into the sky until it vanishes. Repeat as needed during the 5 minutes. Another option is to repeat a mantra for 5 minutes. Examples might be; “I’ve got this” or “I am poised. I am present. I am peaceful. I am ready to go:)” Or any other positive affirmations.
Remember, Give yourself permission to take as many timeouts as needed!:)))
Does this feel like a lot to you? Come in, sit down, and let's chat. Allow me to learn about the specifics of your holiday season and accompanying anxiety.
I would love to help you with this!!! As a woman who has healed from many traumas and anxieties, I highly recommend Accelerated Resolution Therapy to help resolve deep-lying trauma and free you up to enjoy life…. social situations and holiday seasons, and all!
Now imagine yourself getting ready for a Christmas party feeling peaceful and confident, maybe even excited to celebrate the season. No stressing out for hours or days about a party, but actually looking forward to it! Can you picture a very Merry Christmas? Can you see yourself feeling peaceful and joyful over the holiday season? Enjoying the simple pleasures?
BUT…. What if I don't take the time to address some of your deeper needs? What if you just power through the holidays and hope next year is better but find the anxiety doesn’t lift come January 1st? Did you waste an entire holiday season and set yourself up for similar in the future?
I would LOVE to talk with you:)! Call Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639.
