This Is How You Can Stop Being Explosive and Become Emotionally Intelligent

If you find yourself being questioned by others about your explosive reactions or that you never validate their feelings and always try to problem-solve their issues, then you are probably struggling with emotional intelligence. 

Lack of emotional intelligence means it is frustrating and challenging for you to identify and express your emotions. Trying to comprehend other people's emotions can be overwhelming to the point you don't want to deal with them. This makes sense when you are not in touch with your emotions. How are you supposed to know what you feel and other people feel when you are not used to it?

The good news is that you can learn how to process your feelings and express your emotions without getting explosive or withdrawing. But, before we jump into problem-solving, you need to understand where this is coming from. So yes, we will have to dig deep, sorry - not sorry, you need to hear this. 

I want you to think for a moment about why it is so hard for you to understand how you feel or even want to try to process your emotions. Why do you keep jumping from feeling angry to uncomfortable and avoid any other feelings? Any ideas? Well, you were not born that way; you must have learned it somewhere. Your environment molds you during childhood to make you the person you are today. In other words, your caregivers and family taught you and showed that it was normal to hide your feelings or that it was not okay to be emotional. 

This is called emotional neglect; your emotional needs were not met during childhood. Your emotions were ignored, invalidated, or never addressed. The good news is that it is not YOU. It is not your fault that you don't know how to express your emotions, and it is not part of your personality to be anti-feelings. You learned to be that way because of your environment during childhood, but you can unlearn it. Emotional neglect might have led you to be this way, but emotional intelligence can be learned at any time, so there is hope. 

If you need help trying to understand your emotions and get out of that negative pattern you learned as a child, call Harper Therapy; we can give you the tools to heal from emotional neglect and help you be emotionally intelligent.