Emotional Exhaustion
So you tried practicing everything we mentioned this month but it just is not clicking either for you or your spouse. You forgot to communicate with your spouse the importance of an upcoming training? You know that you can’t share exactly where you are going or what it is you are going to do but you were so caught up in prepping for this training that you just forgot to mention the pending date. Or that date could have been pushed back several times and you did not feel the need to worry your spouse about the date changes (cause you know that’s what the military is renowned for).
Or you sensed that your military spouse had something coming up. They mentioned a few things here and there about it but never a date. Now that date has come and you are left to keep things organized, consistent, and in order. But wait, your military spouse just received news that they will push the date out one more time, and now you are in that infamous military saying, Hurry up and wait. In the meantime, you are irritated, annoyed, and just over it. Maybe you take it out on your spouse, maybe you give the silent treatment, maybe you ask them over and over and over again for more information and they are not responding. Where did all the communication go?
Patience; ugh I know, how much more patience do I need. Yes, it is one of those tough muscles to work out but if we don’t put that muscle to work then how will we see results? There were many times where I wanted or rather needed my spouse for an important event and he was just not available but not by fault of his own. I mean, how could he have known that he would not be coming home for our child’s kindergarten graduation. I had to come to terms with being patient and understanding of the situation. Practicing patience also meant waiting for those events that we could share as a couple or family. Sure, Valentine’s Day sucked when he wasn’t around but I had to workout that patient muscle and set my mind to look to the future events we could share.
Compassion fatigue; so along with having to be flexible, resilient, and patient, now we have this term, compassion fatigue. Military spouses will sometimes find themselves experiencing this where they are left behind to juggle life as a “single parent” in a new environment and no social support. This is such a difficult place because where in the world are you left to advocate for not only your family and yourself but also your marriage. Not to sound cliche but you have been the anchor in every move and now you are feeling done with holding it down. How do you get out of that funk? First things first is recognizing it for what it is. I AM DONE. Sure we can throw in some self care- its the new buzzword nowadays, but really what do you do? It is vital to show yourself some self compassion before you try to give some to others, specifically your spouse. You know when you are boarding the plane and the flight attendant says, in an event of an emergency, ensure to put your mask on before assisting others. Well the same applies to our relationship.
If you would like to learn more on how to be gentle with yourself and in turn with your spouse, give us a call. I would love to walk alongside you and help you fill your compassion tank.
