Boom... Psychological Warfare!
You wake up in the middle of the night run to the bathroom and you are sweating, breathing so hard you feel you can’t get enough air in your lungs, you are crying, and replaying the last argument with your partner, as if it were a movie loop…but a horror movie at that. You replay everything you said, the tone, the examples, what you did, how you moved, and you end up believing that yes, it was your fault, you brought this up, and you messed up how good things were going. Is it true, am I going crazy? Here comes the truth bomb…it wasn’t you; you are not losing your mind…it’s psychological abuse…BOOM!
Perpetrators use psychological abuse in order to erode the partner’s foundation of wellbeing. It takes away the sense of self-worth and substitutes it with self-doubt. Recently it’s been called gaslighting, where the partner makes the other person believe that it was indeed their fault and not the abuser’s. Some go the extra mile to move things around so that the partner starts believing that they are losing their memory and can’t trust themselves and their judgement.
It's hard to share this with others, because we see it as a fault in ourselves, and “what if I am really messing things up?!” Partners have even gone the extra mile to start mentioning how the victim is “losing it” in order to smear the reputation ahead of time. We have said to ourselves: “I’ve been called crazy so many times, will anybody believe me? I even call myself “hot mess express”, how can I stand here and say it’s my partner’s doing?” Psychological abuse can turn logic against you, to the point that you believe that the abusive partner is “good” or “in the right”.
Psychological abuse leads to self criticism, self-doubt, second guessing almost everything you do, second guessing memories or events, increases shame, guilt, and makes you feel unwanted, unloved, unlovable, broken, a shell of a person. Some people experience it as depression, others as anxiety, but when we dig deep…it’s the aftermath of an ongoing, never ending psychological warfare.
People who have lived and survived psychological abuse benefit from therapy more than anything. The lingering voice of the abusive partner stays in your head for years after the abuse is over, and therapy can help with finding a place where we can recognize that “little liar” speaking into our ears and gives us the strength to look at ourselves through lenses of strength and not through the distorted eyes of the unhealthy partner or ex-partner.
If this conversation resonated with you, it’s time to stop the cycle and reach out for a therapist. Feel free to call us at 813.434.3639, and let Harper Therapy be your home for Hope Growth and Healing!
