Relationships: When The Struggle Gets Real, We Must Get Real!
We are living through pandemic times. We have been in a home with our partners, our children, our pets, balancing work, balancing parenting, balancing roles and relationships with little to no opportunity to take space from it all. It gets to us.
The squabble over the plates in the sink, the argument over time not being respected, the realization that we are different human beings when we are forced to a confined place for an extended period of time, shed light on the cracks in our relationships. This is when things get real. This is the time when WE must get real!
Relationships are not a stroll in the park. Relationships are more like a hike onto Mount Everest. They require training and preparations, both physical and mental, as well as tons of tools and equipment needed to survive. If we notice that our interactions have turned into “me” vs “we”, if we notice that we are treating our partner with disrespect or contempt, if we notice we are stepping away from each other, or if we notice that we are thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else. Let’s get real with ourselves…our relationship needs some serious, deliberate and intentional interventions.
Most of our clients come in stating the following: “We are good, but our communication could be better”. Friends, when we identify communication as an area that needs improvement, it means that we have already experienced a flare in the night sky, a call for mayday, we have thought of placing the call to the relationship ambulance. It is scary, it is daunting, it is our new reality!
Rest assured, you have not failed! When we identify an area that needs mending, we are being proactive and are willing to put in the time and effort to heal…there is hope for growth!
In the time in between placing the phone call to the therapist and your first appointment, these are a few techniques that we can implement at home:
This is NOT only the “other person’s fault”. This is a “WE” issue. Let’s look into ourselves and see what we have contributed to the situation. Going into therapy after making an inventory of our actions helps us view ourselves, our partners and our relationship from a place of compassion.
Let us be clear in the way in which we express our needs and wants. Let’s avoid ambivalence or misinterpretations by being as specific as possible of what is it that we are requesting from our partner. For example, if your partner asks: “Is anything going on?”, let us please not answer; “ I’m fine! Forget about it.”. If we are not fine, wouldn’t it be better to say: “You know what, I don’t know what specifically is going on, but I do feel a certain way and would appreciate it if we could sit down to talk while I figure this out”.
Listen with ears and eyes. Active listening is the key component in communication. We get so much information when we pay attention of the tone in which words are delivered, and the body language used while having a conversation. Listen without judgment, listen from a place of really wanting to understand the other person’s point of view.
Remember the bigger picture. These less than perfect communication attempts do not define your relationship. You have probably been able to work through difficult times in the past. Sit and review what were the strengths that helped you overcome obstacles, and use them as a foundation for this next stage.
Keep it real! We are human, we are flawed, yet we have the ability to learn from patterns that didn’t work in the past and shift into new ones.
We encourage you to not wait the seven years it usually takes couples to reach out for help…call today! Let us, at Harper Therapy, be your home for hope, growth and healing. Call us at 813-434-3639 and let’s get real!
