Are You Eating Pea Soup this Year? Grief and the Holidays

Have you ever eaten pea soup?  You know, it’s kind of grey, thick, and… well, icky.  (No offense if you like pea soup, but there’s a reason you don’t see it on many restaurant menus!)

Our family experienced a significant loss this year.  One that leaves you confused, heartbroken, lost.  There have been so many times in the last seven months, since our loss, that feel like we’re swimming around in pea soup.  There have been times that I’ve searched, frantically, for ways to get out of the bowl of mush, but keep slipping back in, over my head.

Do you know the feeling?

Or, maybe, grief for you feels like the surge of a tidal wave.  One that you try to dive under or ride on the top of, but the intensity of it pulls you under like a rip current.

Grief is on of the toughest things.

And, unfortunately, grief doesn’t take a holiday.  Which is especially hard this time of year, when anniversary dates come and go and it’s harder to not get pulled under by memories and big emotions.

So, here are some thoughts about how to take care of yourself if you’re grieving this holiday season.

First, recognize that there is no timeline to grief.  How I wish there was some king of “hack”, but the process takes the time that it takes.  You will cycle through all of the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, some semblance of acceptance – only to cycle through them again.  And again. 

Slowly, over time, however, you will notice that the waves come a little less frequently.  A little less intensely.  The memories of your loved one will still be bittersweet, but not carry quite the same punch in the gut feeling.

This means that now is a good time to practice a bit of self compassion.  Be a good friend to yourself.  Instead of being hard on yourself and thinking you “should be over this by now”, remind yourself that grieving is a process.  And the first year after your loss is the hardest – as the first birthdays, holidays, anniversary days come and go. 

Know that you might feel like you’re doing a bit better and then be side swiped by a “random” memory or big emotion.  This doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything “wrong” or are “crazy”.  This is the very definition of grief.

As the holidays and other special dates near on the calendar, be intentional about not only taking good care of yourself, but also having a plan in place – reach out to get extra support.  Be intentional about honoring your loved one, but also give yourself space to create new memories. And speaking of memories – because of the way that the brain stores and processes memories, and loss, don’t be surprised if grief over other losses bubbles to the surface.  Although we don’t usually consider it in this framework, losing someone that you love is a traumatic event.  Honor that fact and consider reaching out for professional help.  Accelerated Resolution Therapy can be really helpful in healing from grief.

Know that Harper Therapy is your Home of Hope, Growth, and Healing of your past. If you’re ready to work through your grief and have a fresh start, call us at 813-434-3639, or use the form below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see how we can help!