Navigating The Holidays
The holidays mean cheer, picture perfect dinners, and happy families that do not fight or bring up your insecurities, right? Well this is the message that we get from commercials and media. In reality the holidays for many people can be stressful. It is a time when you have to spend time with your family and maybe you do not get along with your family.
For some people being with their families can bring stress and maybe put you back to feeling 14 years old again where you feel criticized and unheard. They may make you go right back to the role you played in your family such as a “trouble maker,” “the baby” or “the mediator” Families do not always communicate effectively and relatives may push your buttons and elicit your triggers. We all have FOOBS (family of origin bullshit) and the holidays are a great time for all those emotions and behaviors to come out. Join us as we discuss on navigating the holidays.
The first thing I want to say is stop making your emotions wrong and start on a cycle of self-criticism. It is okay if navigating the holidays stresses you out. You are not a Grinch and you are not alone in your feelings.. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and recognize your triggers. By doing so, you will be more emotionally ready to handle stressors.
Before going, do something to help you feel more grounded. Do some self care such as watching your favorite TV show, doing some progressive relaxation, or listening to music. Self-care can be an activity that just helps you feel more relaxed. What would your self-care look like?
Set boundaries with family members. If someone is talking about something that you feel is personal such as “when are you and your partner going to get married, are you sure he even wants to be with you?” “When did you gain so much weight?” “When did you start eating such a weird diet?” You can politely let them know that you do not want to discuss this topic or even change the subject.
Turn to your spouse or friend as a sense of support. Allow your partner or friend to know what you are feeling and by talking with them you may be able to process some of your emotions and get help with feeling supported. Within this also recognize that if your partner does have FOOBs that they may be more moody during this time and try to be patient and recognize that their mood may not have to do with anything wrong you are doing.
Jennifer Schaap
Lastly, recognize that perfect families do not exist. Some families are small, some have deceased members, and some have members that you do not get along with. It is okay that your family is not picture perfect because no families are. Navigating the holidays can be tough, but it can be done. If you are looking to for a more intimate relationship with you partner or your self, give us a call at 813-434-3639 to schedule an appointment with Jennifer Schaap LMFT.
