Recognizing Superpowers in your Relationship

When couples come to me for therapy the first thing that will usually happen is they want to discuss what is going wrong in their relationship. I know you are thinking, “Well Jennifer is that not what we are in therapy for? We want to fix what is going wrong!” Yes, of course in therapy we want to fix communication in order to help you feel happier, more heard in the relationship along with have more positive time together. But, I like to also notice what is going “right” or great in the relationship because so many times couples are not seeing the amazing positives that I see in session. By recognizing all the positives about your relationship, you may feel more hopeful before we even begin. This becomes a great foundation to start building. If we can recognize areas that are going well we can build from and continue to strengthen those areas in order to help the relationship grow to a more positive space overall.  I want to help you recognize the superpowers in your relationship!

1st superpower- A big one I see when couples come to session is making time to spend together. What this looks like is no matter how angry they are with each other, they will still make time to eat lunch together or do date nights. This is an amazing superpower because you are showing up for the relationship and showing to me and your partner that you care and want to spend time with the other person regardless of being angry or happy with them. Time spent together is something in couple’s therapy I like to improve. So, if you are already doing this one, then great work!

2nd superpower-Making time to laugh, have fun and keeping the humor in the relationship. Being able to laugh and be silly with another person shows me as a therapist that you feel comfortable with the other person. Being able to be silly and let your guard down is a way to be vulnerable and show the other person a different side to you that not everyone may be allowed to see. So, if you are that couple that despite fighting will laugh, joke and be silly with each other, great job to you! This is a way to connect with your partner and it may be the way at this moment you are best able to connect. 

3rd superpower-See positives your partner has done for you. I love this superpower. This one means the ability to recognize the little things your partner does to show their love. Everyone has different love languages so their way of showing you love might be bringing you coffee when you are sad, giving you hugs when upset or maybe turning on your favorite Netflix show for you when you get home at the end of the day. When couples come in and are able to tell me the positives the other person is doing it shows me that despite feeling frustrated you are still receptive to the love the other person is bringing to the relationship. 

4th superpower- Being loving and complementary. This looks like telling your spouse positive affirmations, letting them know you think they look beautiful, hugging, holding hands or saying I love you. Saying I love you despite being angry at that person in the moment. 

5th superpower- Insight into your own behavior.  This may be one of the hardest for couples but it’s amazing when I see it. This is when they come into session and are aware of behaviors they are doing that may be contributing to the fighting. An example of this would be an individual admitting that they shut down when upset and recognizing that this may not be helpful during arguments. We all have areas of growth and things we need to work on. Having the insight and strength to admit this is so admirable and brave, not to mention difficult. It also helps makes it easier to grow and strengthen the relationship.

6th superpower- the one we do not discuss…..SEX. Sex is such an important part of a couple’s life and the one people can feel shy to discuss. It is also an area that can be impacted when couples fight. When couples tell me that despite the arguments and anger they are still having sex with each other regularly I want them to recognize how great this is. Sex is a way to connect and be vulnerable with your partner. You should be proud if this is still occurring despite the tension. 

Jennifer Schaap

The 6 superpowers I mentioned are just a few so if there are ones that you find crucial to your relationship I haven’t mentioned, I would love to hear them! Every couple is different and every couple has a different strength in their relationship. I encourage you recognize superpowers in your relationship . If you are looking to connect more with your partner, give us a call at 813-434-3639 to schedule an appointment with Jennifer Schaap LMFT!