Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Relationship
The weather is warming. The birds are singing. It's time to dust off your marriage with these tips for spring cleaning your relationship!
Hello again Friends! Living in Florida gets me in the “spirit of Spring” right around this time of the year. Spring reminds me of Cherry Blossoms, cherry blossoms make me think of Japan, Japan makes me think of Marie Kondo, Marie Kondo makes me think of decluttering, decluttering makes me think of spring cleaning…and that’s how we got to this blog post! My mind is an interesting place to live in, wouldn’t you agree?! Hahaha!
We spring clean our garages, our offices, our homes…how about our relationships? I believe that we need to tend to it just as we tend to the many other places we live in. Our relationship is our emotional home. So how do we go about “spring cleaning” something we can’t fit in the washer, or that we can’t actually vacuum and dust?
I’m going to share with you what the Gottman’s have taught us throughout the years. There are 5 basic steps, yes…count them with just one hand…that’s my kind of plan! By the way, if you are new to these blogs, the Gottman’s are a married couple who are therapists and have been studying couples and relationships since the 60’s. They are the source of all things relationship, and their research is massive, but most importantly, their marriage is the coolest working relationship I have seen.
Step #1:
Update your Love Maps
There is this app called the Gottman Card Decks. It has guided questions, open questions, sex questions, appreciation exercises, listening exercises, among other things. The love maps are questions guided to get to know yourself and get to know your partner at a deeper level. Their likes and dislikes, their fears and dreams. Because we change, and what you may have known may no longer be relevant. This gives us the opportunity to make space for our partner’s world and gives us the chance of embracing our own evolution in the relationship. It’s like reorganizing furniture, even the old sofa looks better when you change its spot and fluff up the pillows. Change can be good!
Step #2:
Share a six-second kiss
The 6-second kiss is long enough to feel romantic, rekindle the fire, but short enough to be able to be a daily/at any time occurrence. It is a temporary oasis in a busy day. It makes each person feel important, cared for, loved. Add it to your love routines, a morning kiss before leaving the house, a night kiss before going to bed. It’ll take care of dispelling the spiderwebs that build up in our day to day routines
Step #3:
Rediscover your past
Share a date where you either revisit the place where you first met, or you talk about and relive how you first met, where you went on the first date. Looking back on the journey you have traveled together gives you a sense of excitement for the path you will trek on in the future!
Step #4:
Create rituals of connection
It doesn’t have to be expensive. Decide to eat breakfast together more often, or meet up for a lunch date. Have more dates. Get a sitter and cuddle up and have a movie night or implement a board game night. Something that is just yours!
Step #5:
Nurture appreciation
The Gottman research shows that happy couples are grateful towards each other. There are more positive interactions than negative interactions. Saying “Thank you for putting away the laundry”, “I’m so proud of what you are accomplishing at work”, “Your hugs make me feel safe”, “You make the best omelet (cake, steak, bowl of cereal)”, “Wow, you rocked my world during sex today”, is like making a bank deposit. You are depositing into your emotional bank, and the more emotional deposits we make, the healthier the account looks, the more you will have to give when it’s time to use some of it. People that feel appreciated are more willing to show appreciation to others and more willing to help others, specially their partners.
Well, there they are… the 5 steps to shake up, dust, fluff, wash, dry clean, vacuum, mop and spring clean our emotional home… our relationships. Remember, relationships require work. If you find yourself struggling, please give us a call at 813.434.3639 to set up an appointment with Yiara, our Harper Therapy couples expert.
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