Yes you have voices in your head (and no, you're not crazy)
Does it ever feel like the chatter going on in your head is endless? So many thoughts, opinions, worries, judgments, hopes, desires, etc. Sometimes, it might feel like you're in a busy room with lots of people all trying to talk at once! And just as in a room full of people, there are probably one or two voices that are louder than the others. Have you ever taken a step back to observe your mind and what it is saying? For many of us, the loudest voices in our head are not the kind and loving voices (no, unfortunately those are usually the quiet ones) but the critical and judgmental ones. You get cut off in traffic and don't immediately think, "Wow I hope that person is doing okay and gets to where they are going safely." Instead, you might be thinking "What a bleep-hole, they should learn how to drive!" The same goes for how we talk to ourselves. Somewhere along the way, we learned that being hard on ourselves was an effective way to get ahead in life.
Maybe your primary caregivers gave you those messages, either directly by their words or actions towards you or indirectly by how you saw them treat themselves and each other. Perhaps you picked some things up from television, at school, from friends or even coaches when you were growing up. Some of these messages might sound like, "mistakes are not acceptable, failure is not an option, boys don't cry, girls are meant to be good" etc.
Throughout our lives, our brains are bombarded with constant sensory input and messages and we do our best to categorize them in meaningful ways. Some of the things that our brains experience stand out more than others (e.g. a traumatic event, a big life change, a happy occurrence) and inform the way we view the world. This is where the voices come in! The things you tell yourself, or others for that matter, stem from the beliefs you internalized earlier in life based on the things you experienced.
So last week when we were talking about how your insides do not feel like they match your outsides (or what you present to the world), it's because these "voices" or internalized beliefs are constantly talking in your head yet no one but you hears them!
As mentioned earlier, it would be great if the loudest voices in our head were the kind and loving ones, the ones that tell us that we're good enough, that we're doing our best in this crazy life, that we're human and vulnerable and fallible. It would be great if we could talk to ourselves as we would a good friend or a beloved child.
Unfortunately for most of us, that is not the case however with practice, this is something we can change! At Harper Therapy, we are experts at helping you learn more about these voices and ultimately change the narrative that they tell you. In the coming week, we're going to talk about how to "turn down the volume" of those loud voices and start amplifying the more compassionate ones in our brains.
