Changing the volume
Recently, I was running some errands with my 5-month old daughter (which is a feat unto itself as you know if you have little ones at home) and I stopped at a store that I had been meaning to get to for a while. As I was checking out, I realized that I had forgotten my credit card at home and thus the whole trip was pointless. While driving home, I noticed one of the voices in my head scolding me: "How could you forget your card? That store is so far away and you're never going to get back there to get what you need, at least not any time soon.
That was so stupid." Rather than getting caught up in this narrative, I searched for another perspective. What I heard, more quietly, was, "Hey, no big deal. Maybe you didn't need all that stuff anyway. You can always get it another time if you do. Plus, you're a sleep deprived new mom. Of course you're going to make mistakes and forget things from time to time." When I started to focus more on that voice I was pretty quickly able to let the whole situation go. In the past, this would not have been the case. I might have continued to beat myself up and then let that snowball into focusing on other things I wasn't doing right which ultimately would have landed me in a pretty unpleasant mental state.
There is a saying, "where attention goes, energy grows." The critical voice in this situation was loud and caught my attention first, however when I searched for, found and placed my attention on the more gentle compassionate voice, it became more dominant and ultimately helped me to move on with the day in peace without making my problem anyone else's problem.
So, when we talk about "changing the volume" of the different competing voices in your head, it's really about which ones you place your focus on. Easier said than done when the critical voice has been so loud for so long and you don't even know what the compassionate one sounds like. Next week, we'll be talking about how to find that more gentle and kind voice within and what life can look like once you start listening to it!
If you resonate with any of this and could use some help being more kind to yourself, don't hesitate to call us at (813) 434-3639.
