Why can't I see myself the way others see me?

How often are you given a compliment by someone and just brush it off? Or told something about yourself or your character that someone else admires and downplay it as no big deal?  You know logically that you are a good person, that you do a lot for others, that you are smart, capable, strong etc and yet it doesn't always FEEL that way. For some reason, what you present to the outside world and how you feel inside don't seem to match up. Why is this? It's likely you have what we like to call an "inner critic", a voice in your head (which usually sounds a lot like your own voice) telling you that you're not enough, that you don't do enough, that you'll never measure up, that everyone else has it figured out except you.

For example, what happens when you look at social media? You look at pictures of friends and acquaintances and it seems like everyone has their act together, way more than you do at least. They post about their families and getting together with friends, having bbq's and traveling, while you're over here barely holding on. Of course, you know that social media is not an accurate representation of reality yet it does not make you feel any better as you scroll mindlessly through Facebook or Instagram, looking at all the good times being had by others while you feel burdened with your own thoughts and anxieties. 

You have never really questioned the voice that tells you that you constantly need to up your game, to do more, be more, have more. You have told yourself that you just have high standards and are "goal-oriented". Maybe you've even admitted to being a perfectionist. But have you ever really imagined what life would be like without this voice dictating your every move, or at least not being so loud? Have you ever thought about what life would look like if you could ACTUALLY see yourself as your loved ones see you? Or treat yourself as you would a best friend? 

At Harper Therapy, we write about this stuff because we get it! We can help you identify where this "inner critic" stems from and how to learn new ways of treating yourself. Hopefully by this point, you've resonated with some of what you've read here. Stay tuned for next week, where we'll talk about the different "voices" in your head and where they may have originated.