Whats Ok, Whats Not Ok. Boundaries Guiding Your Journey to Finding Yourself
Over the past few weeks we have started on this journey of finding ourselves and the steps of setting our values and listening to our emotions in our body. So now that we have found our values and named our emotions, now we have to protect that with boundaries. F!%&ing Boundaries! They ALWAYS come up… ALWAYS.
Boundaries are the foundation for pretty much everything. Work… boundaries. Marriage…. Boundaries, kids… boundaries… toxic parent…. Boundaries. Boundaries are the instruction manual of how to be a partner with you. Setting boundaries around our values or when something feels wrong in our gut will allow you the time you need for yourself.
Boundaries are often disliked by people who don’t have boundaries and don’t know how to respect them. I have a lot of clients who say “well, I set the boundary, but they didn’t listen”. Then you have to follow through on the second half of that boundary. “I love spending time with you and I appreciate you, I don’t want to talk about money and I will end the conversation when it comes up”. A boundary is simply, what's ok and what's not ok. Boundaries don’t have to be that big and scary. There can be small boundaries, like not answering work emails after 5pm or telling your kids to watch TV while you finish a workout (my favorite).
I’ll be honest, I’m new to boundaries. Probably only started setting them the past few years. I have boundaries with my husband, work, kids and even my family. Once I started setting these boundaries, I found my anxiety and the weight of the world being lifted from my shoulders. My relationship with my husband got stronger. I was working as a partner with my husband because I told him what I could and could not do. I was able to function more clearly at work because I was getting my full workout in without having to referee my kids in between sets. A new boundary for me has been allowing myself space when I get home from work. (Remember the going outside incident?). Some nights I don’t get home from work until 7:00pm. Those nights, it's dinner and bed. My husband knows I am usually all talked out, and any big discussions need to wait until morning.
When something doesn’t feel right, I pause, see if a boundary needs to be adjusted, what are my feelings and communicate with the people around me.
If you are looking for ways to protect your values and want to find yourself, give us a call at 813-434-3639.
