The practice of Self-Compassion
“You are just not good enough/capable enough/are wrong/are a bad person/ etc.” Sometimes the constant criticism can be overwhelming, and it can be tiring to have this ever-present bully in your head. Maybe you don’t even realize this is occurring or it doesn’t feel overly harsh (maybe even “earned” or appropriate). Inversely, it may even feel like this kind of self-talk is in fact motivating you rather than discouraging. These can be common misconceptions and in fact are most likely making you less productive overall, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Why would this make you less productive? Because the more critical you are of yourself, the less likely you are to be motivated to complete a task. Who wants to do something they’ll be criticized for in the end?! Especially when you’re well aware of the individual who will be doing the criticizing! If even a small part of you internally wants to silence this voice, I encourage you to listen to that quiet voice and allow yourself to try this exercise.
-First, I want you to choose a time that you are not distracted and can take time to be mindful.
-Now I would like you to pick a real or imaginary figure of a nurturing person and find yourself engaged in the details: what they sound like, look like and how they might be nurturing a child.
-Next, I want you to allow yourself to hear what words this individual would use to nurture a child who has made a mistake or is upset. Notice what this feels like to hear these words, even though these words might not be directed to you in this moment.
-Visualize these words now being said to you as a child and notice what this feels like in your body to hear this comforting dialogue
- Go back to using the harsh words you initially used and notice the difference in your internal bodily sensations when the “original” words return. Notice if this feels good, motivating or any impact it may have on your energy or sense of being
- Switch back to the positive words of the nurturing figure and again notice how different this feels to hear. How do you respond internally to this different line of self-talk?
After you have a good sense of what the nurturing figure would say I invite you to continue to use this voice and image next time you make a mistake. Over time this may become your voice or be a good base from which to establish the characteristics of what ends up being your positive internal voice. As is true with any new skill we practice, allow yourself compassion and the permission to not immediately be perfect with this “skill.” We are all a work in progress and deserve love and acceptance, and anything that does not come naturally will take time and practice!
