Is Busyness Damaging Your Relationship with Your Teen?
As a parent, we want to develop a healthy, happy, lifelong relationship with children. While this begins while they are young, the rubber really hits the road with our teens. We can start to set patterns and precedents that may become habitual over a lifetime. We want open communication. We desire that they share what's on their hearts and what they dream about. We want them to confide in us about their hopes for the future. As well as the daily ins and outs of dynamics that may be troubling them or weighing them down.
Ahhh, BUUUTTTTT, welcome to modern America!!! The captivity of activity….The frazzle of the hassle. The HURRY Up to slow down. We may have seasons of busyness or a lifestyle of busyness where we have busied ourselves out of balance and peacefulness. It appears to be the American way. But does it have to be?
Is it possible that our daily and weekly schedules stand in the way of our more significant desires? Are we missing the point in all of our strivings to be good parents and 'do' all the right things? We have IDEAS about how things SHOULD be…. We may want our children to not lack for anything and be well rounded, so we have them in multiple sports or clubs or academics or youth groups. We want them to make it into good colleges, so they are in advanced AP courses and receiving college credits even in high school. ALL this striving. All this pressure. All this pushing. All this cramming. And then we wonder why our teen struggles with anxiety? Why are they stressed out? Why are they irritable? Why are they overwhelmed?
Have we as parents drank the Kool-Aid? Maybe we are parenting out of our own wounds? Perhaps we didn't have the same opportunities, so now, in an effort to give our teens opportunities, we push them towards more? Maybe we felt left out or even bullied, so now we do our best to position our teens so they may not be…
Or maybe we are very career-oriented and struggle to be physically present for our teen's events. And when we are physically present, we are not mentally present because we are multi-tasking. Then when we are not multi-tasking, we are not emotionally present because we are too exhausted from the constant push of our schedules. The schedules we agreed to….
When we get to a place where we feel that our schedule is in charge of us rather than being in charge of our schedule, there's an issue. Do our teens feel like they are at the mercy of their schedules without the freedom to say no to some things so they can say yes to what may be better….
We have a society where we do not know how to be still. We do not know how to be still with ourselves. And we do not know how to be still with each other. To just simply be.
An overcrowded schedule leads to an overloaded mind and heart with little room for anyone else. How open, available, and loving can we be when we live such a congested life?
As the mother of five sons, I understand what an all-out battle this can be. We want every opportunity for our teens, but at what cost?
I can say that the sweetest moments I have experienced with my sons have been somehow linked to stillness. Whether it was the stillness of the body, the stillness of the mind, or the stillness of the schedule… usually it is a culmination of the three. It's the time spent on the swinging wooden bench swing under the sweeping oak tree while someone lounged with a book next to me. It was the times camping when there were no electronics and just a hike happening. MANY times it has been while quietly clicking a puzzle that a teen plopped down in the chair next to me and began to share what's on their heart. Its evening walks with the dog or watching a sunset. But by far, the sweetest and most powerful relationship connecting moments have been in moments of stillness.
We have a challenge in our American culture. But as parents, we can be counter-culture and teach our teens the sweetness of stillness.
If you feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities and schedule, come in and work with me. If you are a little lost on how to begin, I'd love to help.
We will start by clarifying your values, prioritizing your goals, and getting to work on attaining the beautiful relationship you desire with your teen. It is absolutely possible, and I would love to help you.
I would LOVE to talk with you:)! Call Harper Therapy at 813-434-3639.
