Trauma Through Different Eyes: Child Loss Trauma as Seen in Steel Magnolias Movie
Have you or anyone you know, lost a child, whether miscarriage, stillbirth, newborn, infant, early childhood, teen or adult? Can you imagine that cold drop of the heart into the void in the chest, that loss of air, and the doubling, crippling angst that makes a person cry until they feel like there are no more tears left? Child Loss is one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life, and one that our society has least equipped us to speak about. Think about other losses that have a title, for example you can be an orphan, a widow/widower, but what do we call a person who has lost a child? There are no words in our language to name it…so how do we deal with the unnamed?
A movie that has depicted this trauma, has been Steel Magnolias. It is an oldie but good movie. In the movie we are thrown into family dynamics being put to the test by the imminent loss of the daughter Shelby, played by Julia Roberts. The actress, Sally Fields playing M’Lynn, in her role as the mother, rallies her group of friends and community to maintain the known, routines and activities in order to feel control over something, when she feels her life is spiraling out of control. Death is inevitable in this movie, and it shows us how, even with time to “prepare”, the loss of a child is the loss of ourselves and the loss of that central axis in our lives.
Losing a child creates trauma issues of shame. The first question people ask is “What did I do wrong?”, “Could I have done anything different?”. The passing of a child is seen as a direct representation of our inability to be good parents and we infer, incorrectly, inability to be good humans, as if we are being punished for something or anything in our past. Child loss trauma brings a wave of anger for the perceived unfairness of it all. It shakes the foundations of our faith and our ability to remain optimistic. We hear time and time again, how parents are not meant to bury their children, yet here we are in a Southern small town with M’Lynn and her friends, burying Shelby at the prime of her life.
People are supposed to move on, keep on living, focus on the kids they do have, continue trying to have another kid or adopt, when in fact child loss creates trust issues, self-deprecating inner monologue and loss of faith when unattended and unprocessed.
If you have experienced child loss and want to process these events in a safe therapeutic space, feel free to call us at 813.434.3639. Let us at Harper Therapy be your home for Hope, Growth and Healing.
