Increasing Positive Time Together
If conflict is occurring in your relationship or tension is being avoided, this usually means in addition, a couple is spending less positive time together as well. When conflict and tension are present and obvious, couples start to avoid each other and sometimes struggle to figure out ways to have more positive time. I wanted to share some ways you can feel more connected with your partner through conflict or tension:
Take time for gratitude. When your partner does something that makes you feel good or supported, let them know you’re aware of them doing so and praise them
Make time in your day to do a check in with your partner. It may be before bed or while eating dinner. Take time to let the other person know how your day was, what ways they supported you or how they can offer you support today. This allows communication to happen about relationship dynamics and just allows time to discuss feelings with each other
Schedule date nights- time to play and connect is very important so try to schedule a date night weekly if possible. It can be just having wine or coffee together at home or getting out of the house and going for a walk or other activity. The important thing is it’s a positive activity you’re engaging in together
Take time to simply validate each other’s emotions. When your partner is talking about their feelings, let them know you’re hearing them and what they have to say. Use some reflective language such as “that sounds like it was a hard day” or “wow I am so happy you felt appreciated today at work.” By letting the other person know you hear them and understand how they feel, it will allow you both to feel more connected and seen to one another. It feels good for your emotions to be understood and feels even better for you to feel seen and heard by your partner.
Make time for sex. Like date nights, sex is an important part of a relationship. So if you have kids or a super busy schedule, you may need to sit down and have a discussion about the sex in your relationship if you both would like to have more and if possible, discuss when you can fit sex into the week. Put it on both your schedules.
If you find yourself struggling with setting goals for life because anxiety, depression or trauma have left you feeling devoid of motivation or drive, please give us a call. You can reach us at 813-434-3639 to set up a free phone consultation or to set up your therapy appointment. Let Jennifer Schaap LMFT, at Harper Therapy, be your home for Hope, Growth and Healing.
