What will You Quit?

Lots of things have changed about our work environments over the past three years.  In fact, the whole country went through what’s been called the Great Resignation and many people completely left their jobs.

Many job positions have shifted to remote work (and back again, then a hybrid, then, who knows…). There’s a level of flexibility when it comes to the way that we do our work that many of us have never experienced before. Employees have categorically emphasized that they want to work in environments that are trustworthy and supportive, with diversity and representation.

These are all good, important shifts, right?

Then why are so many of us still feeling so burnt out?

I would speculate that much of our ongoing burn-out has to do with the things we haven’t quit. Ways that we show up in the workplace, and other parts of our lives, that leave us hardwired to experience it. In short, the common denominator is us. And no matter what the job position is, whether our work is in the office or remote, or how positive our work environment is, we can still find ourselves right back in the thick of burn out. Until we decide to hand in our resignation for the things we do that contribute to it.

Let’s take a look at a few…

Over-functioning: over-functioning is one way that we tend to respond to stress.  For many of us (Type-A Personalities), our immediate go-to is to problem solve the situation and start doing allofthethingstofixtheproblem.  It’s usually reactive, thoughtless action.  Think of throwing spaghetti noodles against the wall, but instead of waiting to see what sticks, we’re already boiling 4 more pots of noodles (6 if your stove top has that many burners on it). This leads to a feeling of spinning our wheels, and exhaustion, without actually solving the problem. It also makes us not very pleasant for others to be around – we get irritable and controlling. Yuck. (In case you’re wondering, the opposite of over-functioning is under-functioning, which is basically curling up in a ball and doing nothing, hoping someone else will take care of the problem.)

Perfectionism: There’s a difference between healthy striving and perfectionism.  I’m all about healthy striving. I like to get things done.  To make a difference.  But, in contrast, perfectionism actually causes me to freeze, to get so nit-picky that nothing gets finished.  And when I do finally finish a perfectionist-driven project, I’m left feeling exhausted and still questioning if I “could have done better”.   The biggest problem with perfectionism is that it has an addictive quality.  If I work hard to do something perfectly and it does not work out, I don’t think “Well this perfectionism thing doesn’t really work, now does it?”.  I think, “I guess I just need to try harder next time.”  And here’s the dirty little secret about perfectionism – it simply doesn’t exist. 

The Hustle:  The Hustle is so ingrained in our culture that it is hard to see it as a problem sometimes.  Hustle keeps us working 12 hours a day, without a lunch break, because “that’s what everyone else does” and “that’s what’s expected of me”.  The Hustle keeps us from taking time off because of how much work will be waiting for us when we come back to work.  The Hustle makes us think that if we take our foot off of the gas petal that things will all fall apart.  The reality behind the Hustle is that, when you’re a slave to it, YOU’LL be the one to fall apart.  Or your relationship will fail. Or you’ll end up in the hospital.  We’re human beings, not machines, and we require time to rest, for connection, and to play.

Comparison/Imposter Syndrome:  In some ways, all of these concepts are inner-connected, but these can especially be so. The more we compare, the more we can think that we don’t measure up. The more that we think we don’t measure up, the more we doubt ourselves, the harder we work, the more we take a look around and compare ourselves to make sure that we measure up.  This can become an infinity loop that leads to burn out.  

Because these ways of being in the world are so ingrained in our culture, it can feel super scary to step back from them, much less decide to quit them all together.  And, actually, I’ve found that quitting these is recovery work for me.  Some days, I’m sober. Others, I struggle with the temptation to jump back into the old, bad way, because it feels familiar.  

Call Harper Therapy today at 813-434-3639

Check out Yolanda’s book on burnout at yolandaharper.com