Parenting in a Digital Age

Are you an analog parent in a digital world? 

Do you remember pay phones, how to make a collect call, or when an answering machine was considered high-tech?  Well, the more things change… the more we need to change. 

Today, teens spend an unprecedented amount of time in structured activities, and many places are off limits to them.  Group chats, gaming, and social media sites have become the equivalent of hanging out at the park, school yard, mall, or movie theater.  Teens view their phones as a lifeline to friends, family, and information.  And, having friends online, posting profanity, slang, and selfies is the way that Gen Z (born 1997-2012) tests limits and experiments with their identities.  This is typical and healthy part of development.  Technology has changed the way we communicate, grow, and acquire social and emotional skills.

Time to stop, collaborate and listen.  You can bend or break, parent with a sledgehammer or scalpel, it’s up to you, just keep in mind that behavior patterns develop in accord with environmental input, and effective parenting involves connecting and correcting.  So, before you take away the phone, make sure the punishment fits the crime.  Taking away or searching a phone for an un-related behavior (drinking, vaping, curfew, grades) will be interpreted as unfair, a violation of privacy, cutting them off from resources, and will result in emotional backlash, distrust, avoidance, and/or sneaky behaviors.  Remember your goal is to teach them to manage their relationship technology, be safe, and productive. That's what any parent should strive for.

Cell phones are here to stay, use them to your advantage.  Develop sensible rules for use, time limits, and managing access to sites and apps.  Use the phone to keep a schedule, list chores, reinforce positive behaviors, and text reminders at appropriate times, not threats.  It is also a great tool for behavior contracts or agreements - “You are going to do what, when, great now I have it on video, here I will send you a copy”.  There is no greater tool for teaching accountability, organization, and time management skills, then a calm, cool, and collected parent with a cell phone.

So, if you or your teen are struggling with parenting and technology, or being calm cool, and collected,  give us a call at 813-434-3639 and set up an appointment with Chris Long LCSW.