The Supreme Benefits of Self-Compassion for your teen:

Teens today seem to experience a lot of pressure, both self-induced and otherwise, to stay at the top of their game; they have to keep their grades up to get into a good college, do extracurricular activities to boost their resume, and try to maintain a social life by connecting with friends outside of school. A lot of the teens I have seen feel overwhelmed with everything they have on their plate and tend to have high expectations of themselves. They experience anxiety and are prone to being hard on themselves. It may seem counter-intuitive to many of us in our "work harder and pull yourself up by your bootstraps" society, but today we'd like to talk about the supreme benefit of self-compassion for your teen as an antidote to being hard on themselves.

One tool for dealing with anxiety that we love at Harper Therapy is the practice of self-compassion. It's likely that we have all experienced compassion, or the sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it, at some point in our lives. It is less likely that we have thought to turn our compassion inwards towards ourselves. Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas in Houston has been researching self-compassion since the early 2000's and has found that the presence of self-compassion in individuals is inversely proportional to mental health issues (e.g. anxiety, depression). In other words, the more self-compassionate one is, the less likely they are to experience depression and anxiety. This is applicable as far as self compassion for your teen.

Self-compassion for your teen actually consists of three parts, self-kindness, recognizing one's common humanity, and mindfulness. We will explain these parts in further detail below as well as how you might incorporate them into your or your teen's life:

Self Kindness:

This aspect of self-compassion for your teen focuses on how we talk to and treat ourselves. Most of us would never talk to another person the way we speak to ourselves. Imagine how you would treat your best friend or even your animal if they felt sick or upset; you would likely try to comfort them and be as supportive as possible. Conversely, when we feel sick or upset, we tell ourselves to "get over it" or "suck it up". Self-kindness is the practice of treating ourselves as we would a dear friend or family member. Part of this involves self-touch. Have you ever given your self a hug? Or cupped your face with your hands? Try placing both hands on your heart or your stomach and see if a sense of compassion, safety, or comfort arises.  This is a beginning step of self compassion for your teen.

Recognizing one's common humanity:

Often when we are going through a difficult time, we have the tendency of feeling like we are alone. Self-compassion  for your teen helps her to recognize that every human experiences suffering at some point or another. Knowing that we are not alone in our pain helps to alleviate it. This is particularly true with anxiety in that anxiety can be extremely paralyzing and isolating. Helping your teen recognize that they are not the only one experiencing anxiety and providing an outlet for them to express it (like in a teen anxiety workshop!) may help reduce some of their symptoms.

Mindfulness:

Learning how to sit with our "moments of suffering", as Dr. Neff puts it, helps us to find a middle ground in dealing with uncomfortable situations. While we don't want to completely avoid our feelings or painful moments, we also don't want to "swim" in them. By practicing mindfulness, we learn how to be present with all aspects of ourselves and to move through life in a more peaceful, grounded state. Mindfulness has been shown to be an effective way of dealing with anxiety. During a stage where emotions swirl so intensely, mindfulness is an important component of self compassion for your teen.

While these components of self-compassion may seem simple, they are not always easy! Try practicing any one of them and let us know what you think.Give your teen the gift of being able to put self-compassion into practice for herself. Use the form below to begin the registration process for our upcoming teen group.