Sleepless and Irritable -- Helping Your Teen With Anxiety
Harper Therapy, Lutz, FL. Helping Your Teen with Anxiety
Your teen seems a little “off” lately. Ok, a lot “off”. She’s so moody and irritable that every conversation blows up into an argument. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days. She’s complaining of her stomach hurting and says her heart feels like it’s going to beat out of her chest. We bring up this topic of anxiety because it is something that a lot of us – and definitely a lot of our teens -- deal with and don't always know how to describe it or put words around it. Let's just say this, if you're a human, you're going to have an experience with anxiety at some point in your life, whether it's a temporary and circumstantial experience or whether it's something that you address and face ongoing. At Harper Therapy, we believe that talking through things brings greater understanding and releases some of the power of the intensity of the anxiety. So we're here to help you today. What does anxiety look like in teens? Anxiety pretty much looks the same whether you're a teen or an adult, but the “flavor” of it, the experience or how teens describe it, might be a bit different.
First of all, there are those racing thoughts.It’s like a hamster wheel is turning in your teen’s head. He can't stop thinking about “that thing”. Something keeps him up at night. The thoughts are like a dog with a bone who won’t let go.There can be worry about something that might happen in the future,There might be looping thoughts about something that happened in the past – “what will people think of me?”. This can especially be the case for your teen, who is navigating this new territory of, "How do I you know fit in with my friends and the people around me? How can I be cool to my friends and still be a part of my family?". It's like they're really trying out all these new things and trying to gain as much autonomy as possible, which is their “job”, but this can cause a lot of stress and anxiety within a teen.
Teens really look to belong to their peer group and so anything that is a threat of not belonging can be fodder for those racing thoughts. The brain's job is to think and sometimes our brain can get stuck in overdrive mode. "I've got to think through every little detail of this scenario right now" and then the brain starts doing too good of a job.The feelings that come up with anxiety might be feelings of dread, fear, panic, impending doom.There is also the physical manifestation of anxiety. For some teens, anxiety comes in their throat, with a tightness that almost feels suffocating. For others, it's a tightness or heaviness in the chest and an icky feeling in your stomach, like a combination of butterflies and boulders rolling around. It can also be a sensation of pressure in the head or can sometimes feel buzzing or foggy.
This leads to an inability to think clearly. So, we've got this combination of racing thoughts but an inability to really think clearly. This can all manifest itself in negative behaviors. These behaviors can include picking at skin or acne, scratching, biting nails, over-obsessing about assignments, perfectionism, shutting down, and a lot of irritabilityAnxiety is big emotional energy that needs to be released, and for your teen this can be anything like spontaneous crying, yelling, and even aggressive behavior. So, now that you know what anxiety looks like, how do we deal with it?Here are a few techniques:
Let your teen know that they're not alone. Anxiety can be a very, very isolating experience, and it's not something teens tend to talk about because they don’t understand it and are worried that their friends and loved ones might not understand.Letting your teen know that they’re not alone normalizes the experience as being something that most people go through and is a major starting point.
(Maybe you, as a parent are experiencing anxiety. Know that you’re not alone, either!)Part of what we're passionate about here at Harper Therapy is having these conversations that you're not alone. These hard things are part of being human, and part of why therapy is so helpful is because it's a validation that what you're going through is not insurmountable, and there's hope and a safe space to talk about these things!
Breathe. So, here's the funny thing about breathing. It's something that we do automatically, but we don't do it very well! Especially when we're feeling anxious, we tend to focus our breath more in our chest, which actually increases the feeling of anxiety because it's a shorter, shallower breath.
So, what is the alternative? The alternative is taking deeper breaths. Taking breaths not into your chest, but into your diaphragm. It's like a balloon filling up in your stomach. These are “belly breaths”. Breathing deeply and having your belly fill up and then breathing out.Another technique for people who are having racing thoughts – if you are having a hard time getting out of your head -- you can count in four counts, you can hold your breath for four counts, then you can breathe out for four counts and hold it for another four counts. This technique is called the "box breathing", or “tactical breathing” and is taught to our military during advanced training.
Exercise. Doing some type of vigorous exercise, whether it's yoga, swimming, running, playing basketball, or whatever your teen loves doing, helps release “feel good” chemicals called endorphins. Remember that emotions are energy and being able to exercise helps get that energy out.
Practice mindfulness. This is really just engaging the senses. Your teen can look around the room. “What do I see around me?What do I hear? What do I smell?What do I feel?”
Last but not least, be gentle with yourself, or self-compassion. A lot of us have been taught to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, just suck it up move on. The practice of self-compassion is recognizing that this moment is a moment of struggle, and especially with intense moments of anxiety! It’s a reminder that, although it is uncomfortable, it is temporary, and then practice of being gentle with yourself and talking to yourself in a way that you would talk to a friend or loved one. Mom, dad, it’s important for us to model this to our teens so that they can learn this skill!
Alina Klein, MSW Intern
Those are some tips for dealing with anxiety for your teen, for yourself. At Harper Therapy, we are passionate about helping your teen from anxious to calm, cool, and connected. Our teen therapists, Chris and Alina, are experts in connecting with your teens and teaching them healthy coping skills.Need more tips on deciding if your teen needs professional help?
Give our office a call at 813-434-3639 and schedule a free consultation so that we can find out what's going on with you and your family, how we can support you, and how we might be a good fit for you.
