The Great Resignation
Soul Sabbatical A book by Yolanda Harper is out now! Get your copy here!
A very interesting phenomenon was happening around the time that I was exploring taking a sabbatical. It was the Great Resignation. Remember that? Thousands and thousands of people left their jobs for many different reasons. I was so intrigued by what would inspire people to leave the security of a job, so I learned more about those reasons and then explored some of my own. Not so that I could resign from my job, but so I could resign from the things in my life that keep me half-living. These are some of the things that are at the root of our burn out.
I quit…
Overfunctioning.
Think of over-functioning as the PIVOT on steroids. I know something needs to change, but I don’t yet know what it is or how to change it, so I throw the whole pot of spaghetti noodles on the wall to see what sticks, but don’t actually wait to see what’s working before I boil a whole other pot of noodles and start slinging them too. (If this feels like a long sentence, then you’re getting a sense of what over-functioning FEELS like). By the way, I’m not a good cook, either. My noodles never stick right.
Performing.
I want to be the “good wife/mother/friend/professional” and can try to force myself
into society’s mold of what this looks like so that people will “like'' me. This keeps me jumping through hoops of trying to anticipate what other people want from me and twisting myself into different molds to become that, all while abandoning who I actually am. Then society/people change the “rules” and I have to start all over again. It’s exhausting.
Comparison.
I see the people around me and want to do what they’re doing, only better. Comparison puts me right back into the performing cycle.
Capitalism.
When I’m in a place of basing my worth on my productivity, and I combine that with the scarcity of comparison, it’s like lighting a Molotov cocktail - meltdown is going to quickly ensue. There will never be enough time to make enough money in the eyes of
hyper-capitalism. Then, add the belief that one, if I don’t get it, then you’re getting it, and two, you’re taking it away from me, and three, I need all of that money and then some. Whew.
Patriarchy.
I quit the system that keeps me swimming in the shame of simultaneously being “not enough” and “too much." Patriarchy also enforces the energy of power-over and power-under, with each side of that coin being a huge loss/loss. Patriarchy also plays a big role for those of us in helping professions to “give more”, to the point that it takes a toll on us, but is never “enough” by society’s standards.
People Pleasing.
In the past, I would have called this “helping” people. Now, I have a better understanding of the ways that I can use “helping” to get people to “like” me. However, it’s a false sense of “like”, because I don’t know if these people care about me for who I am or for what I can do for them. People pleasing always means that I compromise my own boundaries and is a huge part of burnout.
Perfectionism.
I’m a recovering perfectionist and, like anyone in recovery, some days are better than others. What I have a much better understanding for myself now, though, is the way that I can use perfectionism to protect myself from criticism (my own and others’), shame, and try to find a sense of belonging.
The bad news is that perfectionism is a lie. Unlike healthy striving, where we can give our best to tasks and goals, the story that perfectionism tells us when we try to be perfect and still find ourselves in struggle is that we just didn’t try hard enough – and that next time we’ll try harder. That’s a recipe for exhaustion if I ever heard one.
Imposter Syndrome.
This is a wicked combination of patriarchy, hyper-capitalism, comparison, and perfectionism.
Simply put, I resigned from my itty bitty shitty committee telling me that I wasn’t good enough and now remind myself that I deserve a seat at any table with the unique gifts that I bring.
What will you choose to resign from?
Find out more in the book, Soul Sabbatical, available on Amazon or at www.yolandaharper.com
