The Feedback Wheel: A Story of Connection, Disconnection, and Repair
Have you ever had a rip-roaring fight with your partner that you knew full well in the moment was just… dumb??
Yep, us too.
Friends, settle back with your favorite snack (which might or might not be caramel nuget and peanuts in a chocolatey coating) as you enjoy the story of "Snicker Gate 2021." This story focuses on a seemingly trivial matter—an empty Snickers bar wrapper—but it highlights the deeper emotional currents that can often send us into a tailspin and the importance of the use of the repair tool of the Feedback Wheel.
One evening, after a grueling 13-mile hike, a tired yet elated Yolanda and Shamon returned home. It was their ritual to celebrate such feats with a Snickers bar, a small token that symbolized their shared struggles and triumphs. However, this time, something was amiss. When Yolanda discovered an empty Snickers wrapper in the trash, a surge of unexpected anger and disappointment washed over her. The Snickers was supposed to be their shared reward, yet here it was, consumed without her.
Shamon, unaware of the emotional storm brewing, was puzzled by Yolanda's reaction. The intensity of her feelings over a candy bar seemed disproportionate, but it was the narrative behind the Snickers that mattered—the sense of shared experience and victory that was supposed to accompany its consumption.
The situation escalated into what could have been a full-blown argument, but instead, Yolanda took a moment to process her feelings. Recognizing the need to address not just the surface issue but the underlying emotions, she turned to the Feedback Wheel—a tool taught in the Essential Skills Workshop to bring repair when there’s been a rupture and help manage disappointment in relationships.
The Feedback Wheel was a simple yet powerful tool.
It involved several steps:
Data: The FACTS behind one event – without interpretation.
Thoughts: Exploring the backstory and interpretation of what happened.
Feelings: What I felt about my interpretation.
Request: Working together to address the emotional needs and find a constructive way forward to repair.
Using this tool, Yolanda explained her sense of loss regarding the ritual they had missed. Shamon listened, his understanding deepening as Yolanda articulated her feelings. He had simply thought she was too tired for the candy after their hike and decided to enjoy it himself, not realizing the emotional weight the gesture held for her.
The resolution came through heartfelt communication, where both parties expressed their perspectives and understood the misunderstandings that had arisen from assumptions. This deep, empathetic conversation not only resolved the tension but also strengthened their connection, reaffirming the importance of their shared rituals and the need to honor them.
In the end, Snicker Gate 2021 was a testament to the effectiveness of the Feedback Wheel. It underscored the importance of open communication and empathy in relationships, turning a potential conflict into a moment of learning and laughter. The episode was a reminder that even in the smallest details, like a Snickers bar, the roots of connection and understanding can deepen, enriching the relationship further.