Tips to Help Your Relationship Through COVID19
At this point, we are weeks into Safer-at-Home practices of Social Distancing. We have made the adjustment to working from home, teaching our kids from home, trying to maintain some form of social life from home. This is our new, temporary, “normal”. At least for the time being. So what does that mean for relationships?
But let’s be honest, here. The walls of home are closing in on many of us. Frankly, we’re “over it”. And there’s been a lot more “together” time with our partner through this process. At first, it was novel and nice. But more and more recently, you find yourselves on edge with each other.
The truth is that the problems that were there in the relationship prior to COVID19, social distancing, and economic crisis and now being amplified by the stress we’re all under. So our Harper Therapy Team of skilled therapists want to give you some tips to help your relationship through COVID19:
Chris Long, LCSW
Covid-19, restrictions, and social distancing should impact your relationship. So, let’s take a look at things from a different perspective. As humans, we are programmed to be competitive, territorial, part of a group, and to seek quality of life.
It’s hard to fight brain chemistry and biology. However, before you start growling, marking your territory, and creating emotional wake that will push your partner away, let’s employ a few strategies, to adapt, help maintain our relationships, and grow. Here are a few suggestions to get along with your spouse, partner, or loved one during the stay home, stay safe initiative.
Check yourself - STOP, BREATHE, and THINK, before you act or respond. If you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or bored - don’t take it out on someone else or act out.
Role with it - discuss who is doing what, when, and where. Define roles, set boundaries, work together, and avoid duplicating tasks.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T practice gratitude and manners. Don’t hesitate to compliment your partner.
You got to MOVE IT - Listen to some music. Jump around, make it fun.
Keep it simple - Mean what you say, say what you mean, don’t say it mean...
Dr. Yiara Blanco, PSY D.
When in crisis, I like to use, and encourage clients to use the foundation of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. We have been together for far too long during the stay at home period, and our words create worlds, therefore keep an eye out on how we use our words...are they becoming weapons or bridges in this new world of quarantine?
Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Do not use words to gossip or hurt. Use your word in the direction of love and truth.
Do not take things personally. The things that others do are not directly related to you. We each have our own internal stories and FOOBs and react based on these. Understanding this agreement is key in not falling into defensiveness.
Do not make assumptions. Express expectations clearly and ask for clarification of your loved one’s position in order to avoid misunderstanding or drama.
Always do your best. Your best changes constantly. Doing your best avoids self-judgment and regret. It fosters an environment of compassion towards yourself and others in your life.
If you can only do one thing...wake up each day with the intention of doing your best in the relationship. That opens the door for the rest!
Jennifer Schaap, LMFT
During this time it would be normal if you are noticing more stress and negative emotions. Due to all this additional emotions it would be normal for there to be more relationship tension. Take time to notice your communication. Are you speaking from a feelings perspective or more from a place of trying to hurt the other person. When you notice yourself feeling triggered take a deep breath or take time to think about what need is not being met or the underlying feeling you are experiencing at this moment. Trying to hurt your partner or say something to “get back at them” or “win the argument” is not going to help the conversation go somewhere productive
When triggered just notice that and that you are experiencing some emotion
Take a deep breath before responding
Notice what emotion you are experiencing
Ask yourself what need am I trying to get met at this moment
Talk from a feelings perspective and what you feel you need at that time (using I statements avoiding “you language” or finger pointing)
Recognize that your partner is also struggling and may be trying to get their need met as well and explore with them how you can support them as well
Through doing this, the communication can change and shift from a continuous loop of getting no where to actually feeling heard and validated by your partner
Yolanda Harper, LCSW:
Did you know that most couples wait an average of 7 years before they reach out for professional support to improve their relationship? And that, usually, things have reached a crisis point and the relationship is on the cusp of falling apart by the time couples start therapy? There is usually an “inciting event” to begin therapy, whether it be an affair, escalating arguments, or some other crisis. Now, more than ever, your relationship is the biosphere in which you live. Call 813-434-3639 to begin the process of decontaminating your biosphere and bring happy back to your relationship.
Harper Therapy is now offering online therapy. Call 813-434-3639 today to schedule a FREE consultation to see how our team can help you and your partner.
